IELTS Writing Task 2: Working Parents - Band 9.0 Sample with Full Breakdown

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The Prompt

Paraphrased Prompt: Many people believe that working parents should not spend too much time at work. Others argue that working long hours is beneficial for society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Model Answers

Band 6.0 Answer

Response:

Some people think that parents who work should not spend too much time at work. They believe that parents should spend more time with their children. Others think that working long hours is good for society. I think that working long hours is better.

Parents who work long hours can make more money. This money can be used to buy things for the family. Also, working long hours can help people get promotions. This is good for the family because they can have a better life. For example, in many countries, people work long hours to support their families.

However, some people think that parents should spend more time with their children. They say that children need their parents to be with them. If parents work too much, children may feel lonely. But I think that working long hours is more important because it helps the family.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 5.0 - Presents a position but lacks development and support.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 5.5 - Ideas are logically ordered but lack clear progression.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 6.0 - Uses some less common vocabulary but with frequent errors.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 6.0 - Makes frequent grammatical errors that hinder communication.

Band 7.0 Answer

Response:

The issue of working parents and their time allocation has sparked considerable debate. While some advocate for parents to prioritize family time, others contend that long working hours contribute positively to society. I firmly believe that striking a balance between work and family is essential.

Proponents of reduced working hours argue that children benefit from more parental involvement. Quality time with parents fosters emotional security and academic success. For instance, studies show that children with engaged parents exhibit better behavioral outcomes. Additionally, excessive work hours can lead to stress and health issues, negatively impacting family dynamics.

Conversely, long working hours can drive economic growth and career advancement. Increased productivity often correlates with longer work hours, benefiting both individuals and society. For example, many professionals work extended hours to achieve promotions or secure financial stability. However, this approach may come at the expense of family time and personal well-being.

In my view, a balanced approach is crucial. Employers should encourage flexible working arrangements, allowing parents to fulfill both professional and familial responsibilities. Governments can also implement policies supporting work-life balance, such as parental leave and childcare subsidies. Ultimately, a harmonious blend of work and family life yields the best outcomes for individuals and society.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 7.0 - Presents a clear position with relevant, extended support.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 7.0 - Uses cohesive devices effectively, though some repetition occurs.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 7.0 - Uses a mix of common and less common vocabulary appropriately.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 7.0 - Makes some errors but they do not impede communication.

Band 8.0 Answer

Response:

The contentious issue of working parents' time allocation has garnered significant attention. While some advocate for parents to minimize work hours to prioritize family, others argue that long working hours benefit society. I contend that a balanced approach is optimal.

Advocates for reduced work hours posit that children thrive with increased parental involvement. Quality time fosters emotional resilience and academic achievement. Empirical evidence suggests that children with engaged parents exhibit superior cognitive and socio-emotional development. Furthermore, excessive work hours can precipitate stress-related ailments, detrimentally affecting family harmony.

Conversely, proponents of long work hours assert that increased productivity drives economic growth. Extended work hours often correlate with career progression and financial security. For example, many professionals sacrifice personal time to achieve career milestones. However, this paradigm may engender familial strain and personal health issues.

In my view, a balanced approach is paramount. Employers should institute flexible work policies, enabling parents to fulfill both professional and familial obligations. Governments can bolster this by implementing supportive policies, such as parental leave and subsidized childcare. Ultimately, a symbiotic relationship between work and family life engenders optimal outcomes for individuals and society.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 8.0 - Presents a clear position with relevant, extended, and supported arguments.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 8.0 - Uses cohesive devices skillfully, though minor repetition occurs.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 8.0 - Uses a wide range of vocabulary with flexibility and precision.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 8.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with occasional errors.

Band 9.0 Answer

Response:

The debate surrounding working parents' time allocation has intensified in recent years. While some advocate for parents to curtail work hours to prioritize family, others contend that long working hours are beneficial for society. I firmly believe that a judicious balance between work and family is imperative.

Proponents of reduced work hours argue that children benefit immensely from increased parental involvement. Quality time fosters emotional resilience, academic excellence, and robust socio-emotional development. Empirical studies demonstrate that children with engaged parents exhibit superior cognitive abilities and behavioral outcomes. Additionally, excessive work hours can lead to chronic stress, health issues, and familial discord, undermining overall well-being.

Conversely, advocates of long work hours posit that increased productivity drives economic growth and individual career advancement. Extended work hours often correlate with promotions, financial stability, and professional achievement. For instance, many professionals sacrifice personal time to attain career milestones. However, this approach may engender familial strain, personal health issues, and diminished quality of life.

In my view, a balanced approach is crucial. Employers should implement flexible work policies, such as remote work and flexible hours, to enable parents to fulfill both professional and familial responsibilities. Governments can support this by enacting policies like parental leave, subsidized childcare, and work-life balance initiatives. Ultimately, a harmonious blend of work and family life yields the best outcomes for individuals, families, and society at large.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 9.0 - Presents a clear position with relevant, extended, and supported arguments.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 9.0 - Uses cohesive devices skillfully, with no repetition or lack of clarity.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 9.0 - Uses a wide range of vocabulary with flexibility and precision.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 9.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with minimal errors.

Vocabulary Highlights

1. Contentious (adj.): Controversial or disputed.

• Example: The contentious issue of working parents' time allocation.

1. Garnered (v.): Gathered or collected.

• Example: The issue has garnered significant attention.

1. Posit (v.): To suggest or assume as a fact.

• Example: Advocates posit that children benefit from increased parental involvement.

1. Precipitate (v.): To cause or bring about suddenly or abruptly.

• Example: Excessive work hours can precipitate stress-related ailments.

1. Paradigm (n.): A typical example or pattern.

• Example: This paradigm may engender familial strain.

1. Judicious (adj.): Showing good judgment or sense.

• Example: A judicious balance between work and family is imperative.

1. Enact (v.): To make (a bill or other proposal) law.

• Example: Governments can support this by enacting policies.

1. Subsidized (adj.): Supported or promoted by a subsidy.

• Example: Subsidized childcare initiatives.

1. Engender (v.): To cause or give rise to.

• Example: This approach may engender familial strain.

1. Resilience (n.): The ability to recover quickly from difficulties.

• Example: Quality time fosters emotional resilience.

1. Cognitive (adj.): Relating to the mental processes of perception, memory, judgment, and reasoning.

• Example: Children exhibit superior cognitive abilities.

1. Socio-emotional (adj.): Relating to the emotional and social aspects of human behavior.

• Example: Robust socio-emotional development.

1. Chronic (adj.): Persisting for a long time or constantly recurring.

• Example: Chronic stress-related ailments.

1. Discord (n.): Lack of harmony or agreement.

• Example: Familial discord undermining overall well-being.

1. Judicious (adj.): Showing good judgment or sense.

• Example: A judicious balance between work and family is imperative.

1. Enact (v.): To make (a bill or other proposal) law.

• Example: Governments can support this by enacting policies.

1. Subsidized (adj.): Supported or promoted by a subsidy.

• Example: Subsidized childcare initiatives.

1. Engender (v.): To cause or give rise to.

• Example: This approach may engender familial strain.

1. Resilience (n.): The ability to recover quickly from difficulties.

• Example: Quality time fosters emotional resilience.

1. Cognitive (adj.): Relating to the mental processes of perception, memory, judgment, and reasoning.

• Example: Children exhibit superior cognitive abilities.

1. Socio-emotional (adj.): Relating to the emotional and social aspects of human behavior.

• Example: Robust socio-emotional development.

1. Chronic (adj.): Persisting for a long time or constantly recurring.

• Example: Chronic stress-related ailments.

1. Discord (n.): Lack of harmony or agreement.

• Example: Familial discord undermining overall well-being.

Common Mistakes

1. Lack of Clear Position: Many students fail to present a clear position, leading to a lower Task Response score.
2. Inadequate Support: Some responses lack sufficient examples or evidence to support arguments.
3. Poor Coherence and Cohesion: Students often struggle with organizing their ideas logically and using cohesive devices effectively.
4. Limited Vocabulary: Using repetitive or basic vocabulary can lower the Lexical Resource score.
5. Grammatical Errors: Frequent grammatical mistakes can hinder communication and reduce the Grammatical Range and Accuracy score.

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