IELTS Writing Task 2: White Collar Crime — Band 9.0 Sample with Full Breakdown

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The Prompt

Some people argue that white-collar crime causes greater harm to society than violent crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Write at least 250 words. Include relevant support and examples.

Model Answers with Scoring Breakdown

Band 9.0 Model Answer

The inequitable punishment of white-collar criminals compared to violent offenders reflects a flawed justice system that prioritizes visible harm over systemic damage. I firmly agree that financial crimes inflict greater societal harm and warrant more severe penalties.

Firstly, white-collar crimes erode public trust in institutions. The 2008 financial crisis, caused by corporate malfeasance, demonstrated how unchecked greed can destabilize economies, leaving millions unemployed. Unlike violent crimes, which are isolated incidents, white-collar crimes often involve systemic fraud that affects entire populations. For example, the Enron scandal bankrupt thousands of investors, highlighting how financial crimes can devastate lives without physical violence.

Secondly, the long-term societal costs of white-collar crimes are often underestimated. Healthcare fraud, for instance, diverts billions annually from essential services, directly impacting public health. According to the FBI, financial crimes cost the U.S. economy over $300 billion annually—far surpassing the costs of violent crimes. These crimes also create ripple effects, such as increased insurance premiums and reduced social welfare funding.

However, critics argue that violent crimes cause immediate physical harm. While true, the justice system often overlooks the enduring psychological and economic trauma inflicted by white-collar crimes. For instance, victims of Ponzi schemes often suffer lifelong financial instability, depression, and loss of retirement savings—a harm no less severe than physical assault.

In conclusion, white-collar crimes inflict profound, systemic damage that warrants stricter penalties. Addressing this disparity in justice requires reforming legal frameworks to reflect the true costs of financial crimes.

Scoring Breakdown

• Task Response (TR): Fully addresses the task with a clear position, supported by relevant, extended, and supported arguments. Covers all aspects of the task.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Uses cohesive devices effectively, presenting arguments in a logical sequence. Paragraphing is clear and purposeful.
• Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a wide range of sophisticated vocabulary with precision. Collocations are natural and varied. (e.g., malfeasance, diverts billions, psychological and economic trauma)
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Uses a mix of complex and simple sentence structures with minimal errors. Sentences are varied and well-structured.

Band 8.0 Model Answer

I strongly believe that white-collar crime is more damaging to society than violent crime, as it affects larger groups of people and undermines economic stability.

Firstly, white-collar crimes often go unnoticed but have widespread repercussions. For example, insider trading can lead to significant financial losses for ordinary investors who are unaware of the manipulation. Unlike violent crimes, which are immediately visible, financial crimes can persist for years before detection, causing long-term harm. For instance, the Bernie Madoff scandal affected thousands of investors, many of whom lost their life savings.

Secondly, white-collar crimes can destabilize entire economies. The 2008 financial crisis is a prime example, where reckless lending practices by banks led to a global economic downturn. This crisis resulted in job losses, home foreclosures, and a prolonged recession, demonstrating how financial crimes can have far-reaching consequences.

On the other hand, some argue that violent crimes cause immediate harm and fear. While this is true, the justice system often imposes harsher penalties on violent offenders compared to white-collar criminals. For example, a bank robber may receive a longer prison sentence than a corporate executive who defrauds investors of millions.

In conclusion, white-collar crimes cause substantial harm to society and should be punished more severely. Addressing this issue requires stricter regulations and enforcement to deter such crimes.

Scoring Breakdown

• Task Response (TR): Addresses the task with a clear position and relevant arguments. Covers all aspects but may lack minor details.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Uses cohesive devices effectively but may have occasional lapses in logical flow. Paragraphing is clear but could be more refined.
• Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a range of vocabulary appropriately but may lack some sophistication. (e.g., reckless lending practices, far-reaching consequences)
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Uses a mix of complex and simple sentences but may have occasional grammatical errors.

Band 7.0 Model Answer

I agree that white-collar crime is more harmful than violent crime because it affects many people and the economy.

Firstly, white-collar crimes can cause financial problems for many people. For example, when companies commit fraud, they can lose money for investors. This can lead to people losing their jobs and homes. Unlike violent crimes, which affect individuals, financial crimes can affect entire communities.

Secondly, white-collar crimes can make people lose trust in businesses and the government. When people see that criminals are not punished severely, they may think that the system is unfair. This can lead to more crime and less cooperation in society.

However, some people think that violent crimes are worse because they cause physical harm. While this is true, the harm caused by white-collar crimes can last longer and affect more people.

In conclusion, white-collar crimes are more harmful and should be punished more strictly.

Scoring Breakdown

• Task Response (TR): Addresses the task with a clear position and some relevant arguments. May lack depth or minor details.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Uses cohesive devices but may have some lapses in logical flow. Paragraphing is clear but could be improved.
• Lexical Resource (LR): Uses adequate vocabulary but may lack sophistication. (e.g., financial problems, lose trust)
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Uses a mix of simple and complex sentences but may have frequent grammatical errors.

Band 6.0 Model Answer

I think white-collar crime is bad, but violent crime is worse because it hurts people directly.

Firstly, violent crimes like robbery or assault can cause physical harm. People can get injured or even die. This is very bad and should be punished severely.

Secondly, white-collar crimes like fraud or tax evasion can cause financial problems. But these problems can be solved with money, unlike physical harm.

In conclusion, violent crimes are worse because they cause direct harm to people.

Scoring Breakdown

• Task Response (TR): Addresses the task but may not fully cover all aspects. The position is clear but lacks depth and support.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Uses some cohesive devices but may have significant lapses in logical flow. Paragraphing is present but could be improved.
• Lexical Resource (LR): Uses limited vocabulary with some inaccuracies. (e.g., physical harm, financial problems)
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Uses simple sentences with frequent grammatical errors.

Vocabulary Highlights

• Malfeasance: Wrongdoing, especially by a public official. (e.g., corporate malfeasance, proven malfeasance)
• Divert: To redirect something, often for improper purposes. (e.g., diverts billions, funds diverted)
• Psychological and economic trauma: Emotional and financial distress. (e.g., suffer trauma, trauma from fraud)
• Reckless lending practices: Careless or irresponsible financial decisions. (e.g., reckless lending, lending practices)
• Far-reaching consequences: Wide-ranging effects. (e.g., consequences of fraud, reaching consequences)
• Insider trading: Illegal trading of a public company's shares by individuals who have access to non-public information. (e.g., insider trading scandal, trading illegally)
• Ponzi schemes: Fraudulent investment operations where returns are paid to separate investors using the capital contributed by newer investors. (e.g., Ponzi scheme collapse, schemes like Madoff's)
• Bankruptcy: The state of being unable to pay outstanding debts. (e.g., company bankruptcy, personal bankruptcy)
• Foreclosures: The process by which a lender takes possession of a property due to the borrower's failure to repay the mortgage. (e.g., home foreclosures, foreclosure crisis)
• Enforcement: The act of compelling observance of or compliance with laws. (e.g., enforcement of regulations, strict enforcement)
• Deter: To discourage someone from doing something. (e.g., deter crime, deterrence policies)
• Systemic fraud: Fraud that is embedded in the system or culture of an organization. (e.g., systemic fraud cases, fraud within systems)
• Immediate visibility: Clearly noticeable right away. (e.g., crimes with immediate visibility, visible consequences)
• Undermines: To weaken or erode something. (e.g., undermines trust, undermines stability)
• Repercussions: Consequences or unintended effects. (e.g., crime repercussions, financial repercussions)
• Lifelong financial instability: Long-term financial insecurity. (e.g., instability from fraud, lifelong instability)
• Profound damage: Deep or serious harm. (e.g., profound societal damage, damage from crimes)

Common Mistakes Students Make

1. Lack of Specific Examples: Students often discuss white-collar crime in general terms without providing concrete examples. Using real-world cases like Enron or Madoff strengthens the argument.
2. Overgeneralizing: Some responses assume all white-collar crimes are identical without acknowledging the spectrum of severity. Distinguishing between different types of financial crimes adds depth.
3. Ignoring Counterarguments: Failing to address opposing views weakens the response. Acknowledging and refuting counterarguments shows critical thinking.
4. Poor Lexical Choices: Using vague or repetitive vocabulary limits the sophistication of the response. Incorporating varied and precise terms (e.g., malfeasance, systemic fraud) elevates the writing.
5. Inadequate Paragraphing: Poorly structured paragraphs can confuse the reader. Clear topic sentences and logical flow improve coherence and cohesion.

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