IELTS Writing Task 2: White Collar Crime — Band 7.5 Sample with Full Breakdown

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Prompt:

Some people argue that white-collar crime is more harmful to society than violent crime. Others believe that violent crimes have more severe impacts. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Model Answers

Band 6.0 Answer

Many people think that white-collar crimes are worse than violent crimes, but I disagree. Violent crimes are much more serious because they hurt people directly. For example, someone who robs a bank with a gun can kill people and cause a lot of fear. White-collar crimes, like fraud, only hurt people’s money, not their bodies. Of course, both crimes are bad, but violent crimes are worse because they cause more immediate harm.

I think the government should punish violent crimes more severely. If someone commits a violent crime, they should go to jail for a long time. On the other hand, white-collar criminals should pay back the money they stole and maybe go to jail for a short time. This way, people will know that violent crimes are much worse than white-collar crimes.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 5.0 - Presents a position but with limited development and supporting ideas.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 6.0 - Uses some cohesive devices but with occasional lapses in logic and sequencing.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 6.0 - Uses a limited range of vocabulary with some errors in word choice and collocation.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 6.0 - Makes frequent grammatical mistakes but can form simple and complex sentences.

Band 7.5 Answer

The debate over whether white-collar crime or violent crime is more detrimental to society has been ongoing for decades. While both types of crime have serious consequences, I firmly believe that white-collar crime has a more profound and far-reaching impact on society as a whole.

On one hand, violent crimes such as assault, robbery, and homicide cause immediate and visible harm to individuals. These crimes can result in physical injury, psychological trauma, and even death. For instance, a violent crime like a home invasion can leave victims feeling unsafe in their own homes and contribute to a climate of fear within the community. Additionally, violent crimes often require significant law enforcement resources to investigate and prosecute, diverting attention and funds from other important societal needs.

On the other hand, white-collar crimes, which include offenses such as fraud, embezzlement, and insider trading, may not cause physical harm, but they can have devastating effects on a much larger scale. For example, a major corporate fraud can lead to the collapse of a company, resulting in job losses for thousands of employees and financial ruin for investors. Moreover, white-collar crimes can undermine public trust in institutions such as banks, government agencies, and regulatory bodies, which are essential for the functioning of a stable and prosperous society. The long-term economic and social consequences of white-collar crime can be far more damaging than those of violent crime.

In conclusion, while violent crimes cause immediate and tangible harm, white-collar crimes can have a more insidious and widespread impact on society. The erosion of trust in institutions, the economic instability caused by financial crimes, and the potential for systemic corruption all make white-collar crime a significant threat to the well-being of society. Therefore, it is crucial for governments and law enforcement agencies to prioritize the prevention and prosecution of white-collar crime alongside violent crime.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 7.5 - Presents a clear position with relevant, extended, and supported arguments.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 7.5 - Uses a mix of cohesive devices effectively, though there may be occasional lapses in logic and sequencing.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 7.5 - Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary with some less common lexical items, but with occasional errors in word choice and collocation.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 7.5 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with frequent grammatical mistakes but generally maintains fluency.

Band 9.0 Answer

The question of whether white-collar crime or violent crime poses a greater threat to society is a complex one, requiring a nuanced examination of the unique impacts of each. While violent crimes are undoubtedly harmful, I contend that white-collar crime can have more pervasive and long-lasting consequences for societal stability and economic prosperity.

Violent crimes, by their very nature, inflict immediate and visible harm on individuals. Acts such as assault, battery, and homicide can result in physical injury, psychological distress, and even death. For example, a violent crime like an armed robbery can leave victims with lasting trauma, while also fostering a climate of fear within the community. Furthermore, the resources required to investigate, prosecute, and incarcerate violent offenders can be substantial, potentially straining law enforcement and judicial systems. However, the effects of violent crime are often localized and can be mitigated through targeted policing and community intervention programs.

In contrast, white-collar crimes—such as fraud, embezzlement, and corporate malfeasance—may not result in physical harm, but they can have far-reaching and systemic consequences. For instance, a high-profile case of corporate fraud can lead to the collapse of a company, resulting in mass layoffs, financial losses for investors, and a loss of public trust in institutions. The Enron scandal, for example, not only led to the bankruptcy of the company but also exposed systemic failures in corporate governance and regulatory oversight. Moreover, white-collar crimes can undermine the very foundations of a stable economy, eroding public confidence in financial institutions and markets. The long-term economic and social repercussions of such crimes can be profound, affecting not just individuals but entire communities and even nations.

In conclusion, while violent crimes cause immediate and tangible harm, white-collar crimes can have a more insidious and widespread impact on society. The erosion of trust in institutions, the economic instability caused by financial crimes, and the potential for systemic corruption all make white-collar crime a significant threat to the well-being of society. Therefore, it is essential for governments and law enforcement agencies to prioritize the prevention and prosecution of white-collar crime alongside violent crime. By doing so, they can help safeguard the economic and social fabric of society, ensuring a more stable and prosperous future for all.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 9.0 - Presents a clear position with fully extended, supported, and relevant arguments.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 9.0 - Uses a wide range of cohesive devices effectively, with a clear progression of ideas and no lapses in logic.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 9.0 - Uses a wide range of vocabulary with high flexibility and precision, and minimal errors in word choice and collocation.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 9.0 - Uses a wide range of complex sentence forms with frequent error-free sentences.

Vocabulary Highlights

1. Detrimental (adj.) - Harmful or damaging. Example: The detrimental effects of white-collar crime on the economy.
2. Profound (adj.) - Very deep or intense. Example: The profound impact of corporate fraud on public trust.
3. Insidious (adj.) - Proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects. Example: The insidious nature of white-collar crime.
4. Pervasive (adj.) - Spreading widely throughout an area or group of people. Example: The pervasive effects of economic instability.
5. Nuanced (adj.) - Characterized by subtle shades of meaning or expression. Example: A nuanced examination of the impacts of crime.
6. Systemic (adj.) - Relating to a system or systems. Example: Systemic failures in corporate governance.
7. Erosion (n.) - The process of gradually destroying or being destroyed. Example: The erosion of public trust in institutions.
8. Malfeasance (n.) - Wrongdoing, especially by a public official. Example: Corporate malfeasance leading to financial ruin.
9. Prosecute (v.) - To institute legal proceedings against a person or organization. Example: Prosecuting white-collar criminals.
10. Strain (v.) - To put pressure on something or someone. Example: Straining law enforcement resources.
11. Localized (adj.) - Restricted to a particular area or region. Example: The localized effects of violent crime.
12. Mitigate (v.) - To make less severe, serious, or painful. Example: Mitigating the effects of crime through community programs.
13. Economic prosperity (n.) - A state of economic growth and financial success. Example: Safeguarding economic prosperity.
14. Systemic corruption (n.) - Corruption that is widespread and deeply embedded in a system. Example: The threat of systemic corruption.
15. Stability (n.) - The state of being stable and not likely to change or fail. Example: Ensuring societal stability.

Common Mistakes Students Make

1. Overgeneralizing: Students often make sweeping statements without sufficient evidence or examples. Avoid claims like “All white-collar crimes are worse” without specific support.
2. Ignoring the Counterargument: Failing to address the opposing view weakens the argument. Always acknowledge the other side before refuting it.
3. Inconsistent Tone: Shifting between formal and informal language can lower the score. Maintain a consistent, academic tone throughout.
4. Repetition: Repeating the same points or phrases without adding new information can make the essay seem less developed.
5. Poor Paragraph Structure: Each paragraph should focus on one main idea. Mixing multiple ideas in one paragraph can confuse the reader and lower the score for coherence.

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