IELTS Writing Task 2: White Collar Crime — Band 6.0 Sample with Full Breakdown

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Prompt: Some people believe that white-collar crime is as harmful as violent crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Model Answers

Band 6.0

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): Presents a clear position but with some irrelevant or unsupported points.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Ideas are logically organized but with some awkward transitions.
• Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a limited range of vocabulary with some errors in word choice.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Has frequent grammatical errors that sometimes impede understanding.

Sample Answer:

White-collar crime is very bad, but not as bad as violent crime. Many people think that white-collar crime is very harmful, but I disagree. Violent crime hurts people directly, while white-collar crime affects people indirectly. For example, a robber can hurt someone physically, but a fraudster only hurts people financially.

In some cases, white-collar crime can be very harmful. For example, a company might cheat customers and make them lose money. However, this is not as bad as someone getting hurt or killed. Also, white-collar criminals usually get caught and punished, but violent criminals sometimes escape.

In conclusion, white-collar crime is bad, but not as bad as violent crime. Violent crime causes more harm because it hurts people directly. White-collar crime is less dangerous because it only affects people financially.

Band 7.0

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): Presents a clear position with relevant, extended, and supported ideas.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Uses cohesive devices effectively but with some less common ones.
• Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary with some less common lexical items.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Has a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with some errors.

Sample Answer:

The debate over whether white-collar crime is as harmful as violent crime has been ongoing for years. In my opinion, while both types of crimes are serious, violent crime causes more immediate and severe harm. This essay will discuss the differences in impact and the severity of punishment for these crimes.

Firstly, violent crime often results in physical harm or even death, which is more severe than financial loss. For instance, a mugging can leave a victim injured or traumatized, whereas a case of fraud might only result in monetary loss. Additionally, violent crimes can have long-term psychological effects on victims, affecting their quality of life. On the other hand, white-collar crimes, such as embezzlement, primarily affect a person's financial stability, which can be recovered over time.

Secondly, the legal system often treats violent crimes more harshly than white-collar crimes. For example, a person convicted of murder might receive a life sentence, while a white-collar criminal might only face a few years in prison. This discrepancy in punishment reflects the societal view that violent crimes are more heinous and deserving of stricter penalties.

In conclusion, while both types of crimes are detrimental, violent crime causes more immediate and severe harm. The legal system's harsher punishments for violent crimes also reflect this understanding. Therefore, I believe that violent crime is more harmful than white-collar crime.

Band 8.0

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): Presents a clear position with fully extended and supported ideas.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Uses cohesive devices effectively with a clear progression of ideas.
• Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a wide range of vocabulary with some less common lexical items used appropriately.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with some errors.

Sample Answer:

The question of whether white-collar crime is as harmful as violent crime is a complex one. While both types of crimes have significant impacts, I believe that violent crime is generally more harmful due to its immediate and severe consequences. This essay will explore the differences in impact, societal perception, and legal consequences of these crimes.

Firstly, violent crime often results in physical harm or even death, which is more severe than financial loss. For instance, a mugging can leave a victim injured or traumatized, whereas a case of fraud might only result in monetary loss. Additionally, violent crimes can have long-term psychological effects on victims, affecting their quality of life. On the other hand, white-collar crimes, such as embezzlement, primarily affect a person's financial stability, which can be recovered over time.

Secondly, society tends to view violent crimes as more heinous than white-collar crimes. This is reflected in the media's coverage of crimes, where violent crimes often receive more attention and condemnation. Furthermore, violent crimes are often seen as more personal and malicious, whereas white-collar crimes are sometimes viewed as merely unethical business practices.

Lastly, the legal system often treats violent crimes more harshly than white-collar crimes. For example, a person convicted of murder might receive a life sentence, while a white-collar criminal might only face a few years in prison. This discrepancy in punishment reflects the societal view that violent crimes are more harmful and deserving of stricter penalties.

In conclusion, while both types of crimes are detrimental, violent crime causes more immediate and severe harm. The legal system's harsher punishments for violent crimes also reflect this understanding. Therefore, I believe that violent crime is more harmful than white-collar crime.

Vocabulary Highlights

• White-collar crime: Non-violent crimes committed for financial gain, often by professionals.
• Example: "White-collar crimes, such as embezzlement, primarily affect a person's financial stability."
• Violent crime: Crimes involving physical harm or the threat of physical harm.
• Example: "Violent crimes often receive more attention and condemnation."
• Embezzlement: Theft or misappropriation of funds placed in one's trust or belonging to one's employer.
• Example: "White-collar crimes, such as embezzlement, primarily affect a person's financial stability."
• Fraud: Wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain.
• Example: "A case of fraud might only result in monetary loss."
• Mugging: An assault in a public place to steal from the victim.
• Example: "A mugging can leave a victim injured or traumatized."
• Traumatized: Experiencing severe emotional shock and distress.
• Example: "A mugging can leave a victim injured or traumatized."
• Embezzlement: Theft or misappropriation of funds placed in one's trust or belonging to one's employer.
• Example: "White-collar crimes, such as embezzlement, primarily affect a person's financial stability."
• Heinous: Horrifically evil or wicked.
• Example: "Society tends to view violent crimes as more heinous than white-collar crimes."
• Condemnation: The expression of very strong disapproval.
• Example: "Violent crimes often receive more attention and condemnation."
• Unethical: Not conforming to accepted standards of social or professional behavior.
• Example: "White-collar crimes are sometimes viewed as merely unethical business practices."
• Discrepancy: A lack of compatibility or similarity between two or more facts.
• Example: "This discrepancy in punishment reflects the societal view that violent crimes are more harmful."

Common Mistakes

1. Lack of Clear Position: Many students fail to present a clear position in their essays, leading to a lower score in Task Response.
2. Inadequate Support: Students often provide weak or irrelevant examples to support their arguments, which affects the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
3. Limited Vocabulary: Using a limited range of vocabulary can result in a lower score in Lexical Resource. Students should strive to use a wider range of vocabulary, including some less common lexical items.
4. Grammatical Errors: Frequent grammatical errors can impede understanding and result in a lower score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy. Students should proofread their essays to minimize such errors.
5. Poor Organization: A poorly organized essay can be difficult to follow, affecting the overall coherence and cohesion. Students should ensure that their essays have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

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