IELTS Writing Task 2: Traditional Medicine — Band 9.0 Sample with Full Breakdown
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Prompt Paraphrased: Some people claim that traditional medicine is more effective than modern medicine. Others argue that modern medicine is superior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Model Answers
Band 9.0 Response
Scoring Breakdown:
- Task Achievement (9.0): Presents a clear position throughout. Extends and supports ideas with full, relevant examples.
- Coherence and Cohesion (9.0): Logical organization with sophisticated transitions (e.g., 'Fundamentally', 'In contrast'). Uses cohesive devices to manage progression.
- Lexical Resource (9.0): Uses a wide range of vocabulary with precision (e.g., 'antithesis', 'indigenous'). Rare errors do not impede communication.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (9.0): Uses complex sentence structures accurately. Varied sentence forms. Rare minor errors.
Model Answer:
Traditional medicine remains the antithesis of modern medical practices, yet its efficacy continues to spark debate. Proponents argue that its indigenous origins confer unique advantages, while detractors champion modern medicine's empirical basis.
On one hand, traditional medicine's holistic approach addresses the root causes of ailments. For instance, practices like acupuncture and herbal remedies have been refined over centuries, catering to individual constitutions. Moreover, the accessibility and affordability of traditional treatments make them indispensable in many communities. In contrast, modern medicine's reliance on clinical trials and pharmaceuticals often leads to standardized, one-size-fits-all solutions. The swift development of vaccines during the COVID-19 pandemic exemplifies its capacity to respond to global crises.
However, the antithesis between these systems is not absolute. Integrative medicine, which combines both approaches, is gaining traction. For example, hospitals now incorporate acupuncture for pain management alongside conventional treatments. Fundamentally, the superiority of one system over the other depends on the context and the patient's needs. In my view, a balanced approach that leverages the strengths of both traditional and modern medicine is ideal.
Band 8.0 Response
Scoring Breakdown:
- Task Achievement (8.0): Presents a clear position but with some overgeneralization. Supports ideas with relevant examples but lacks depth in some areas.
- Coherence and Cohesion (8.0): Logical organization with clear transitions (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Nevertheless'). Uses cohesive devices effectively.
- Lexical Resource (8.0): Uses a wide range of vocabulary with some less precise word choices (e.g., 'old' instead of 'traditional'). Occasional errors.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (8.0): Uses complex sentences accurately but with some errors (e.g., subject-verb agreement). Varied sentence forms.
Model Answer:
Traditional medicine has been used for centuries, and some people believe it is more effective than modern medicine. Others think modern medicine is better. Both views have merits.
Firstly, traditional medicine is often based on natural ingredients and has fewer side effects. For example, herbal remedies like ginseng are used to boost immunity. Furthermore, traditional practices like meditation and yoga help with mental health. Nevertheless, modern medicine has many advantages. It uses advanced technology and scientific research to develop treatments. For instance, antibiotics have saved countless lives. Additionally, modern medicine can cure diseases that traditional medicine cannot, such as cancer.
In conclusion, both traditional and modern medicine have their strengths. Traditional medicine is effective for certain conditions and promotes overall well-being. Modern medicine, on the other hand, is crucial for treating serious illnesses. Therefore, it is important to use both systems appropriately.
Band 7.0 Response
Scoring Breakdown:
- Task Achievement (7.0): Presents a clear position but with limited development. Supports ideas with some relevant examples but lacks analysis.
- Coherence and Cohesion (7.0): Logical organization with some transitions (e.g., 'Also', 'But'). Uses cohesive devices but with some repetition.
- Lexical Resource (7.0): Uses a mix of appropriate and less precise vocabulary (e.g., 'old' instead of 'conventional'). Some errors.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (7.0): Uses a mix of simple and complex sentences with some errors (e.g., tense inconsistencies). Limited sentence variety.
Model Answer:
Some people think that old medicine is better than new medicine. Others believe new medicine is better. I think both have good points.
Old medicine is good because it uses natural things. For example, people use herbs to cure diseases. Also, old medicine is cheaper and easier to get. But new medicine is better for serious diseases. For example, new medicine can cure diseases that old medicine cannot. Also, new medicine is made in labs and tested very well.
In my opinion, both old and new medicine are important. Old medicine is good for small problems and is natural. New medicine is good for big problems and is very effective. So, people should use both kinds of medicine.
Band 6.0 Response
Scoring Breakdown:
- Task Achievement (6.0): Presents a position but with limited development and support. Ideas are repetitive and lack analysis.
- Coherence and Cohesion (6.0): Some organization but with frequent transitions (e.g., 'And', 'But'). Limited use of cohesive devices.
- Lexical Resource (6.0): Limited vocabulary with frequent errors (e.g., 'medicines' instead of 'medicine'). Some inappropriate word choices.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (6.0): Mostly simple sentences with frequent errors (e.g., subject-verb agreement). Limited sentence variety.
Model Answer:
Some people say old medicines are better. Others say new medicines are better. I think both are good.
Old medicines are good because they are natural. And they are cheap. But new medicines are better for big diseases. And they are tested. But old medicines are better for small problems.
I think both are good. Old medicines are good for small problems. New medicines are good for big problems. So, people should use both.
Vocabulary Highlights
- Antithesis (noun): The direct opposite of something. Example: The antithesis of traditional medicine is modern medical practices.
- Indigenous (adjective): Originating in a particular place. Example: Indigenous practices have been refined over centuries.
- Holistic (adjective): Considering the whole of something. Example: Traditional medicine's holistic approach addresses root causes.
- Empirical (adjective): Based on observation or experience. Example: Modern medicine's empirical basis relies on clinical trials.
- Refined (verb): Improved or perfected. Example: Practices like acupuncture have been refined over centuries.
- Accessibility (noun): The quality of being easily reached. Example: The accessibility of traditional treatments is crucial.
- Affordability (noun): The quality of being affordable. Example: Traditional treatments' affordability makes them indispensable.
- Cater (verb): Provide what is needed. Example: Traditional treatments cater to individual constitutions.
- Standardized (adjective): Made to be the same. Example: Modern medicine often leads to standardized solutions.
- Integrative (adjective): Combining different approaches. Example: Integrative medicine combines traditional and modern practices.
- Traction (noun): Gaining popularity or acceptance. Example: Integrative medicine is gaining traction.
- Constitutions (noun): Physical health and strength. Example: Traditional treatments cater to individual constitutions.
- Crisis (noun): A time of intense difficulty. Example: Modern medicine responds to global crises.
- Context (noun): The circumstances surrounding an event. Example: The superiority of one system depends on the context.
- Indispensable (adjective): Too important to do without. Example: Traditional treatments are indispensable in many communities.
- System (noun): A set of things — such as ideas or events — that are connected. Example: Both systems have their strengths.
- Response (noun): A reaction to something. Example: Modern medicine's response to global crises is swift.
- Capacity (noun): The ability to do something. Example: Modern medicine's capacity to respond to crises is crucial.
- Empirical (adjective): Based on observation or experience. Example: Modern medicine's empirical basis relies on clinical trials.
- Antithesis (noun): The direct opposite of something. Example: Traditional medicine is the antithesis of modern practices.
Common Mistakes
- Overgeneralization: Students often make sweeping statements without sufficient support. For example, stating that traditional medicine is always better without providing specific examples.
- Lack of Analysis: Students may list points but fail to analyze them. For instance, mentioning that traditional medicine is natural without explaining why this is beneficial.
- Repetition: Students may repeat the same ideas using different words, which can make the response seem less coherent. For example, repeatedly stating that traditional medicine is good without exploring different aspects.
- Inappropriate Vocabulary: Students may use words that are not suitable for the context. For example, using 'old' instead of 'traditional' medicine.
- Grammatical Errors: Students may make frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement mistakes or tense inconsistencies, which can affect the overall clarity of the response.
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