IELTS Writing Task 2: Success — Band 8.0 Sample with Full Breakdown
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Prompt
Some people believe that success is measured by personal achievement while others think that success should be evaluated based on contributions to society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Responses
Band 6.0
The meaning of success can be different for different people. Some people think success is about what you do for yourself, but others believe it is about helping others. Both ideas are important, but I think success is more about helping society.
Personal success can mean being rich or famous. For example, celebrities like actors and athletes are successful because they have a lot of money and many fans. This kind of success makes people happy because they can have a good life. However, this success is only for one person or a few people. It does not help everyone in society.
On the other hand, success can be about doing good things for others. For example, doctors and teachers help many people. They might not be rich or famous, but they make the world better. This kind of success helps society as a whole. I think this is more important because it makes life better for everyone.
In conclusion, success can be personal or for society. I believe that helping society is more important than just helping yourself.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR): Addresses both views but with limited development and some irrelevant points. Opinion is clear but not well-supported.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Ideas are logically organized but with some awkward transitions. Paragraphing is present but not always effective.
- Lexical Resource (LR): Uses some appropriate vocabulary but with frequent errors and limited range.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Uses simple sentence structures with frequent grammatical errors.
Band 7.0
Success is a concept that can be interpreted in various ways. While some individuals equate success with personal accomplishments, others argue that it should be gauged by one's contributions to society. Both perspectives have merit, but I firmly believe that societal contributions outweigh personal achievements.
Those who prioritize personal success often focus on financial wealth, career advancements, or acquiring material possessions. For instance, entrepreneurs who build successful businesses or athletes who win championships are typically viewed as successful. These achievements bring personal satisfaction and can elevate one's social status. However, this narrow definition of success may overlook its broader impact on the community.
Conversely, success measured by societal contributions emphasizes the positive influence one has on others. For example, scientists who develop life-saving medications or activists who champion social causes contribute significantly to societal well-being. These contributions often benefit a larger population and can lead to lasting positive change. Therefore, I contend that success should be evaluated based on the extent to which one improves the lives of others.
In conclusion, while personal achievements are important, the true measure of success lies in one's ability to make a meaningful difference in society.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR): Fully addresses both views with relevant supporting ideas. Presents a clear position throughout the response.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Ideas are logically organized with clear progression. Uses a mix of cohesive devices effectively but with some minor lapses.
- Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary with some less common lexical items. Some minor inaccuracies present.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures with some errors but generally maintains grammatical accuracy.
Band 8.0
The notion of success is multifaceted, with varying interpretations depending on individual perspectives. While some advocate that success is best measured by personal accomplishments, others contend that it should be evaluated based on one's contributions to society. This essay will explore both viewpoints before asserting that societal contributions are the more compelling metric of success.
Proponents of personal success often highlight the attainment of financial prosperity, career milestones, or personal fulfillment. For example, a business executive who climbs the corporate ladder to become a CEO or an artist who gains international recognition for their work are commonly perceived as successful. These achievements not only bring personal satisfaction but also serve as inspirations for others striving for similar goals. However, this perspective may inadvertently marginalize the value of collective well-being, as personal success does not necessarily translate to societal benefit.
Conversely, those who prioritize societal contributions argue that true success is measured by the positive impact one has on the community. Consider the work of a dedicated teacher who influences countless students or a healthcare worker who provides essential services to underserved populations. These individuals may not achieve personal fame or fortune, but their contributions undeniably enhance the quality of life for many. Furthermore, societal success often fosters a sense of collective progress, as the benefits extend beyond the individual to encompass the broader community.
In my view, while personal achievements are undeniably significant, the true measure of success lies in one's ability to effect positive change in society. This perspective aligns with the principle that the well-being of the collective should take precedence over individual gain. Therefore, societies should encourage and reward actions that prioritize the betterment of the community as a whole.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR): Fully addresses all parts of the task with a clear position and extended supporting ideas. Presents a detailed discussion with relevant examples.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Ideas are logically organized with clear progression and effective use of cohesive devices. Paragraphing is well-structured and enhances readability.
- Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a wide range of vocabulary with great flexibility and precision. Uses less common lexical items appropriately.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Uses a wide range of complex sentence structures with frequent error-free sentences. Minor errors do not impede communication.
Key Vocabulary
- Multifaceted (adjective) - Having many different aspects or features
- Example: The project was multifaceted, involving various departments.
- Metric (noun) - A system or standard of measurement
- Example: The company uses different metrics to evaluate employee performance.
- Prosperity (noun) - A successful, flourishing, or thriving condition, especially economically
- Example: The region's prosperity attracted many new businesses.
- Collective (adjective) - Done by people acting as a group
- Example: The collective effort of the team led to the project's success.
- Undeniably (adverb) - In a way that cannot be denied or disputed
- Example: The evidence undeniably proves his innocence.
- Enhance (verb) - To increase or improve in value, quality, or extent
- Example: The new software will enhance the company's productivity.
- Precedence (noun) - The condition of being considered more important than someone or something else; priority in importance, order, or rank
- Example: In this matter, safety should take precedence over cost.
- Effect (verb) - To cause something to happen; bring about
- Example: The new policy will effect significant changes in the workplace.
- Betterment (noun) - The process of improving something
- Example: The community center was established for the betterment of the neighborhood.
- Marginalize (verb) - To treat someone as unimportant or insignificant
- Example: The new policy risks marginalizing certain groups within the community.
- Inadvertently (adverb) - Without intention; accidentally
- Example: He inadvertently left his keys at home.
- Contend (verb) - To maintain or assert a position in an argument or dispute
- Example: The lawyer contended that the evidence was insufficient.
- Perspective (noun) - A particular attitude towards or way of regarding something; a point of view
- Example: From her perspective, the solution was simple and straightforward.
- Fulfillment (noun) - The achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted
- Example: His promotion brought him a sense of fulfillment.
- Influence (noun) - The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something, or the effect itself
- Example: Her mentors had a significant influence on her career choices.
- Underserved (adjective) - Describing populations or areas that have been neglected and denied access to essential goods and services
- Example: The nonprofit organization focuses on providing services to underserved communities.
- Extends (verb) - To reach further; to go beyond a particular point or limit
- Example: The benefits of the new policy extend to all employees.
- Aligned (adjective) - In a straight line; parallel
- Example: The new strategy is aligned with the company's long-term goals.
- Prioritize (verb) - To arrange or deal with things in order of their importance
- Example: It's important to prioritize your tasks based on deadlines.
- Encompass (verb) - To include a wide variety of things; to surround and protect
- Example: The new law encompasses all aspects of environmental protection.
Common Mistakes
- Overgeneralizing: Students often make broad statements without providing specific examples or details to support their claims. This weakens the argument and reduces the score for Task Response.
- Lack of Clear Position: Failing to present a clear opinion or position in the essay can result in a lower score for Task Response. It's important to state your viewpoint explicitly and support it throughout the response.
- Poor Paragraph Structure: Essays with poorly structured paragraphs can be difficult to follow and may receive a lower score for Coherence and Cohesion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and be clearly connected to the others.
- Limited Vocabulary: Using a limited range of vocabulary can reduce the score for Lexical Resource. Students should aim to use a variety of words and phrases to express their ideas effectively.
- Grammatical Errors: Frequent grammatical errors can significantly impact the score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. Students should proofread their essays carefully to minimize errors.
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