IELTS Writing Task 2: Success - Band 7.5 Sample with Full Breakdown

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The Prompt

Some people believe that success is measured by wealth and status, while others argue that true success is found in personal fulfillment and happiness. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Model Answers

Band 6.0 Answer

Score Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 5.0 - Presents a position but with some irrelevant points.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 5.5 - Ideas are logically organized but with some unclear progression.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 6.0 - Uses a mix of appropriate and less precise vocabulary.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 6.0 - Makes frequent errors but meaning is usually clear.

Answer:

Success is something that everyone wants, but people have different ideas about what it means. Some think that being rich and having a high position in society is success. Others believe that true success is feeling happy and satisfied with your life. I think both views have some truth.

On one hand, having money and status can bring success. For example, a person with a good job and a lot of money can buy nice things and have a comfortable life. This can make them feel successful. Also, having a high position in society can give a person respect and influence. For instance, a CEO of a company is often seen as successful because they have power and people listen to them.

On the other hand, personal fulfillment and happiness are also important for success. Money and status do not always bring happiness. For example, a person might have a lot of money but still feel unhappy if they do not enjoy their work. Similarly, a person with a low-paying job might feel successful if they love what they do. Happiness and fulfillment come from doing things that make you feel good about yourself, like helping others or pursuing your passions.

In conclusion, success can be measured in different ways. While wealth and status can bring success, personal fulfillment and happiness are also important. I believe that true success is a combination of both.

Band 7.5 Answer

Score Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 7.5 - Presents a clear position throughout with relevant, extended examples.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 7.5 - Uses a mix of cohesive devices effectively, with clear progression.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 7.5 - Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary with some less common lexical items.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 7.5 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with frequent error-free sentences.

Answer:

The concept of success is multifaceted and often debated. While some individuals equate success with wealth and social standing, others contend that genuine success lies in personal fulfillment and happiness. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting a personal stance.

Proponents of the materialistic view argue that success is synonymous with financial prosperity and high social status. This perspective is supported by the fact that societies often bestow respect and admiration on those who have accumulated significant wealth. For instance, celebrities and business magnates are frequently held up as paragons of success, their lifestyles emulated by many. Furthermore, financial security can provide opportunities for a comfortable life, enabling individuals to pursue their interests and passions without the constraints of financial worry.

Conversely, those who prioritize personal fulfillment and happiness contend that true success is not measured by external markers but by internal satisfaction. This viewpoint is underscored by the growing emphasis on work-life balance and mental well-being in contemporary society. For example, individuals who find joy in their work, regardless of its monetary rewards, often report higher levels of life satisfaction. Moreover, the pursuit of personal passions, such as art, music, or volunteering, can bring a sense of accomplishment and purpose that transcends material wealth.

In my view, a balanced approach to success is most conducive to a fulfilling life. While financial stability can provide security and opportunities, it is ultimately the pursuit of personal happiness and fulfillment that brings lasting contentment. Therefore, success should be measured not solely by wealth and status, but by the degree to which an individual feels satisfied and fulfilled in their life.

Band 8.0 Answer

Score Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 8.0 - Presents a clear position throughout with relevant, extended, and supported examples.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 8.0 - Uses cohesive devices effectively, with clear progression and logical sequencing.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 8.0 - Uses a wide range of vocabulary with less common lexical items used appropriately.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 8.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with frequent error-free sentences.

Answer:

The notion of success is a subject of considerable debate, with divergent viewpoints emphasizing either material achievements or personal contentment. This discourse will elucidate both perspectives before advocating for a nuanced understanding of success.

Advocates for the materialistic paradigm posit that success is epitomized by the accumulation of wealth and the attainment of high social standing. This perspective is substantiated by the societal reverence accorded to individuals who have amassed substantial fortunes. For example, entrepreneurs like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos are frequently cited as exemplars of success, their influence and wealth serving as aspirational benchmarks. Moreover, financial affluence can facilitate access to superior education, healthcare, and lifestyle choices, thereby enhancing the quality of life.

Conversely, proponents of the intrinsic value of success argue that genuine achievement lies in the pursuit of personal fulfillment and happiness. This viewpoint is supported by the burgeoning emphasis on mental well-being and self-actualization in contemporary discourse. For instance, individuals who engage in meaningful work, such as teachers or healthcare professionals, often derive a profound sense of satisfaction from their contributions to society. Furthermore, the cultivation of personal passions, whether in the arts, sports, or philanthropy, can engender a sense of purpose and fulfillment that transcends material wealth.

In my estimation, a holistic conception of success encompasses both material and intrinsic dimensions. While financial stability can provide a foundation for a secure and comfortable life, it is the pursuit of personal happiness and fulfillment that imbues existence with meaning and purpose. Therefore, success should be evaluated based on a balanced consideration of both external achievements and internal contentment.

Band 9.0 Answer

Score Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 9.0 - Presents a clear position throughout with relevant, extended, supported, and detailed examples.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 9.0 - Uses cohesive devices effectively, with clear progression and logical sequencing throughout.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 9.0 - Uses a wide range of vocabulary with less common lexical items used with precision and sophistication.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 9.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with frequent error-free sentences and varied sentence structures.

Answer:

The quintessence of success is a topic that has engendered profound contemplation and debate. While some individuals equate success with the acquisition of wealth and the ascension to esteemed social echelons, others posit that the zenith of achievement resides in the realm of personal fulfillment and happiness. This discourse will meticulously examine both perspectives before proffering a synthesized viewpoint.

Proponents of the materialistic paradigm contend that success is epitomized by the amassment of financial capital and the attainment of prestigious social standing. This perspective is buttressed by the societal acclamation accorded to individuals who have ascended to the pinnacle of financial prosperity. For example, philanthropists like Bill Gates and Warren Buffett are frequently lauded as paragons of success, their wealth and influence serving as aspirational paradigms. Moreover, financial affluence can engender access to unparalleled opportunities, thereby facilitating the realization of one's aspirations and ambitions.

Conversely, advocates for the intrinsic value of success argue that genuine achievement lies in the cultivation of personal contentment and fulfillment. This viewpoint is substantiated by the burgeoning emphasis on holistic well-being and self-realization in contemporary discourse. For instance, individuals who dedicate their lives to altruistic pursuits, such as humanitarian work or environmental conservation, often derive an ineffable sense of satisfaction from their contributions to the betterment of society. Furthermore, the pursuit of personal passions, whether in the realm of academia, the arts, or athletics, can engender a profound sense of purpose and fulfillment that transcends the ephemeral allure of material wealth.

In my considered opinion, a comprehensive understanding of success necessitates the integration of both material and intrinsic dimensions. While financial prosperity can provide a robust foundation for a secure and fulfilling life, it is the pursuit of personal happiness and self-actualization that imbues existence with profound meaning and significance. Therefore, success should be appraised based on a nuanced and balanced consideration of both external achievements and internal contentment.

Vocabulary Highlights

1. Multifaceted (adj): Having many different aspects or features.

• Example: The concept of success is multifaceted and often debated.

1. Prosperity (n): A successful, flourishing, or thriving condition, especially in terms of financial or economic well-being.

• Example: Financial prosperity can provide security and opportunities.

1. Underscored (v): To emphasize or give extra force to something.

• Example: This viewpoint is underscored by the growing emphasis on work-life balance.

1. Substantiated (v): To provide evidence or proof to support or confirm something.

• Example: This perspective is substantiated by the societal reverence accorded to individuals who have amassed substantial fortunes.

1. Aspirational (adj): Relating to or characterized by ambition and aspiration.

• Example: Entrepreneurs like Elon Musk are frequently cited as aspirational benchmarks.

1. Affluence (n): Abundance of wealth, property, or other material goods.

• Example: Financial affluence can facilitate access to superior education and healthcare.

1. Burgeoning (adj): Beginning to grow or increase rapidly; flourishing.

• Example: The burgeoning emphasis on mental well-being in contemporary discourse.

1. Philanthropists (n): A person who seeks to promote the welfare of others, especially by the generous donation of money to good causes.

• Example: Philanthropists like Bill Gates are often lauded as paragons of success.

1. Ineffable (adj): Too great or extreme to be expressed or described in words.

• Example: Individuals who dedicate their lives to altruistic pursuits often derive an ineffable sense of satisfaction.

1. Self-actualization (n): The realization or fulfillment of one's talents and potentialities.

• Example: The pursuit of personal happiness and self-actualization imbues existence with profound meaning.

1. Holistic (adj): Characterized by the belief that the parts of something are intimately interconnected and explicable only by reference to the whole.

• Example: A holistic conception of success encompasses both material and intrinsic dimensions.

1. Ephemeral (adj): Lasting for a very short time.

• Example: The ephemeral allure of material wealth.

1. Nuanced (adj): Characterized by subtle differences in expression or meaning.

• Example: A nuanced understanding of success necessitates the integration of both material and intrinsic dimensions.

1. Paradigms (n): A typical example or pattern of something; a model.

• Example: Entrepreneurs like Elon Musk serve as aspirational paradigms.

1. Altruistic (adj): Showing a disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others; unselfish.

• Example: Individuals who dedicate their lives to altruistic pursuits often derive a profound sense of satisfaction.

Common Mistakes

1. Overgeneralization: Students often make sweeping statements without providing specific examples or evidence to support their claims. For instance, stating that 'success is always about money' without any supporting details.

1. Lack of Coherence: Some students fail to organize their ideas logically, leading to a disjointed and confusing essay. This can be avoided by using clear topic sentences and transition words.

1. Inadequate Vocabulary: Using repetitive or basic vocabulary can limit the range and sophistication of the essay. Students should aim to use a variety of words and phrases to express their ideas.

1. Grammatical Errors: Frequent grammatical mistakes can detract from the overall quality of the essay. Students should proofread their work to ensure grammatical accuracy.

1. Irrelevant Points: Including points that do not directly address the prompt can weaken the essay. Students should stay focused on the topic and avoid digressing into unrelated subjects.

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