IELTS Writing Task 2: Social Inequality — Band 8.0 Sample with Full Breakdown

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Prompt

Some people believe that the government should address social inequality by redistributing wealth. Others argue that this approach is unfair to those who have worked hard to succeed. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Model Answers

Band 6.0 Answer

Sample Answer

Social inequality is a big problem in many countries. Some people say the government should take money from rich people and give it to poor people. This is called redistribution of wealth. They think this will help poor people and make society more equal. But other people say this is not fair. They say rich people worked hard for their money and the government should not take it away.

I think redistribution of wealth is a good idea. Rich people have a lot of money and they do not need it all. Poor people need money for food, housing, and education. If the government takes some money from rich people and gives it to poor people, it will help reduce poverty and make society more equal. But I also think the government should not take too much money from rich people because they need to have some money to live comfortably.

In conclusion, I think redistribution of wealth is a good way to address social inequality. But the government should be careful not to take too much money from rich people.

Scoring Breakdown

• Task Response (TR): Presents a position but does not extend it with relevant, supported ideas. (Band 5.0-6.0)
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Uses some cohesive devices but these are often mechanical or overused. (Band 5.0-6.0)
• Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a limited range of vocabulary with some attempts at less common vocabulary. (Band 5.0-6.0)
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Makes frequent grammatical errors that often hinder understanding. (Band 5.0-6.0)

Band 7.0 Answer

Sample Answer

The issue of social inequality has been a contentious topic for decades. Proponents of wealth redistribution argue that it is the government's responsibility to ensure a more equitable society. They contend that the rich should contribute more to society through higher taxes, which can then be used to fund social programs for the underprivileged. Conversely, opponents of this view posit that such measures are tantamount to penalizing success. They believe that individuals who have worked diligently to amass their wealth should not be punished for their efforts.

I am inclined to support the notion of wealth redistribution, albeit with certain caveats. It is undeniable that the gap between the rich and the poor is widening, and without intervention, this disparity is likely to persist. However, the government must ensure that any redistribution is carried out in a manner that does not stifle economic growth or discourage innovation. For instance, targeted subsidies and tax breaks for the poor could be more effective than blanket wealth redistribution.

In conclusion, while wealth redistribution has its merits, it must be implemented judiciously to avoid unintended consequences.

Scoring Breakdown

• Task Response (TR): Presents a clear position with relevant, extended, and supported ideas. (Band 7.0)
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Uses a mix of cohesive devices but these may be overused or not always precise. (Band 7.0)
• Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey ideas with some less common lexical items. (Band 7.0)
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Makes some grammatical errors but they do not impede understanding. (Band 7.0)

Band 8.0 Answer

Sample Answer

The pervasive issue of social inequality has sparked a heated debate regarding the role of government intervention. Advocates for wealth redistribution contend that it is the moral obligation of the state to mitigate the disparities between the affluent and the impoverished. They argue that progressive taxation and social welfare programs can alleviate poverty and foster a more equitable society. Conversely, detractors of this approach assert that such policies are inherently unfair and may dissuade individuals from striving for success. They posit that wealth redistribution penalizes the industrious and stifles economic dynamism.

I am firmly convinced that wealth redistribution is a viable solution to social inequality, provided it is executed with prudence. It is incontrovertible that the richest 1% of the population possess a disproportionate share of global wealth, while millions languish in poverty. However, the government must ensure that any redistribution is targeted and efficient. For example, investing in education and healthcare for the underprivileged can yield long-term benefits and promote social mobility. Moreover, the government should incentivize philanthropy and corporate social responsibility to encourage the wealthy to contribute to society voluntarily.

In conclusion, while wealth redistribution is not a panacea for social inequality, it is a crucial step towards creating a more just and equitable society. The government must strike a delicate balance between intervention and individual liberty to ensure that its policies are both effective and fair.

Scoring Breakdown

• Task Response (TR): Presents a clear position with relevant, extended, and supported ideas. (Band 8.0)
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Uses a mix of cohesive devices skillfully to guide the reader. (Band 8.0)
• Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a wide range of vocabulary with frequent use of less common lexical items. (Band 8.0)
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with minimal errors. (Band 8.0)

Vocabulary Highlights

1. Pervasive (adjective): Existing in or spreading throughout all parts of something.

• Example: The pervasive issue of social inequality has sparked a heated debate.

1. Mitigate (verb): Make less severe, serious, or painful.

• Example: They argue that progressive taxation and social welfare programs can mitigate poverty.

1. Disparities (noun): A difference, especially a significant one.

• Example: They argue that progressive taxation and social welfare programs can mitigate the disparities between the affluent and the impoverished.

1. Industrious (adjective): Diligent and hard-working.

• Example: They posit that wealth redistribution penalizes the industrious and stifles economic dynamism.

1. Incontrovertible (adjective): Not able to be denied or disputed.

• Example: It is incontrovertible that the richest 1% of the population possess a disproportionate share of global wealth.

1. Targeted (adjective): Aimed at or directed toward a particular object or effect.

• Example: However, the government must ensure that any redistribution is targeted and efficient.

1. Yield (verb): Produce or provide (a result, benefit, or return).

• Example: Investing in education and healthcare for the underprivileged can yield long-term benefits.

1. Philanthropy (noun): The desire to promote the welfare of others, expressed especially by the generous donation of money to good causes.

• Example: The government should incentivize philanthropy and corporate social responsibility.

1. Panacea (noun): A solution or remedy for all difficulties or diseases.

• Example: While wealth redistribution is not a panacea for social inequality, it is a crucial step.

1. Strike a delicate balance (idiom): To find a compromise between two opposing forces or factors.

• Example: The government must strike a delicate balance between intervention and individual liberty.

Common Mistakes

1. Overgeneralizing: Students often make sweeping statements without providing sufficient evidence or examples.
2. Lack of Coherence: Essays may lack clear paragraph structure or logical flow, making it difficult for the examiner to follow the argument.
3. Inadequate Vocabulary: Using repetitive or basic vocabulary can limit the range of ideas that can be expressed.
4. Grammatical Errors: Frequent grammatical mistakes can hinder understanding and lower the score.
5. Not Addressing Both Views: Failing to discuss both sides of the argument can result in a lower Task Response score.

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