IELTS Writing Task 2: Rehabilitation - Band 6.5 Sample with Full Breakdown
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Prompt
Some people believe that governments should invest more in the rehabilitation of criminals, while others argue that this money should be used to improve education to prevent crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Band 6.5 Sample Answer
Governments should focus on both rehabilitation and education to reduce crime rates effectively.
On one hand, investing in the rehabilitation of criminals can help them reintegrate into society. Prisoners who receive education and job training are less likely to commit crimes again. For example, studies show that ex-convicts with vocational training have a lower recidivism rate. Additionally, rehabilitation programs can address the root causes of crime, such as addiction or mental health issues. However, some people argue that this money could be better spent on improving education to prevent crime in the first place.
On the other hand, improving education can reduce crime by providing better opportunities for young people. Many criminals come from poor backgrounds where education is not a priority. By investing in schools and vocational training, governments can give young people the skills they need to find jobs and avoid crime. For instance, countries with strong education systems tend to have lower crime rates. Nevertheless, education alone may not be enough to solve the problem of crime, as it does not address the needs of those who are already in the criminal justice system.
In conclusion, both rehabilitation and education are important for reducing crime. Governments should invest in both areas to create a safer society. By providing support for ex-convicts and improving education, societies can address crime from multiple angles.
Scoring Breakdown
Task Response (TR): Band 6
- Presents a clear position but with some limitations in development.
- Supports the position with relevant ideas but lacks depth in some areas.
- Addresses both views as required but does not fully extend or support them.
Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Band 6
- Logically organized but with some weaknesses in cohesion.
- Uses cohesive devices effectively but with some errors in referencing and substitution.
- Paragraphing is generally clear but could be improved with better topic sentences.
Lexical Resource (LR): Band 6
- Uses a mix of appropriate and less accurate vocabulary.
- Attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some errors in word choice and collocation.
- Limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Band 6
- Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms.
- Makes some errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling.
- Sentence formation is generally clear but with some inaccuracies.
Vocabulary Highlights
- Reintegrate (verb) - to integrate or become integrated again.
- Example: Prisoners who receive education and job training are less likely to commit crimes again.
- Recidivism (noun) - the tendency of a convicted criminal to reoffend.
- Example: Studies show that ex-convicts with vocational training have a lower recidivism rate.
- Vocational training (noun) - education or training in social or industrial skills.
- Example: By investing in schools and vocational training, governments can give young people the skills they need.
- Rehabilitation (noun) - the action of restoring someone to health or normal life through training and therapy after imprisonment, addiction, or illness.
- Example: Investing in the rehabilitation of criminals can help them reintegrate into society.
- Mental health issues (noun) - conditions that affect a person's thinking, feeling, mood, and ability to relate to others.
- Example: Rehabilitation programs can address the root causes of crime, such as addiction or mental health issues.
- Root causes (noun) - the fundamental reasons or sources of a problem.
- Example: Rehabilitation programs can address the root causes of crime, such as addiction or mental health issues.
- Prevent crime (verb) - to stop crime from happening.
- Example: Some people argue that this money could be better spent on improving education to prevent crime.
- Vocational training (noun) - education or training in social or industrial skills.
- Example: By investing in schools and vocational training, governments can give young people the skills they need.
- Ex-convicts (noun) - former prisoners.
- Example: Studies show that ex-convicts with vocational training have a lower recidivism rate.
- Address (verb) - to deal with a problem or situation.
- Example: Rehabilitation programs can address the root causes of crime, such as addiction or mental health issues.
- Improve education (verb) - to make education better or more effective.
- Example: Some people argue that this money could be better spent on improving education to prevent crime.
- Strong education systems (noun) - well-developed and effective educational programs and institutions.
- Example: Countries with strong education systems tend to have lower crime rates.
- Better opportunities (noun) - more favorable circumstances or chances for success.
- Example: By investing in schools and vocational training, governments can give young people the skills they need to find jobs and avoid crime.
- Criminal justice system (noun) - the system of law enforcement, courts, and penalties.
- Example: Nevertheless, education alone may not be enough to solve the problem of crime, as it does not address the needs of those who are already in the criminal justice system.
- Safer society (noun) - a community with lower levels of crime and violence.
- Example: By providing support for ex-convicts and improving education, societies can address crime from multiple angles.
Common Mistakes Students Make
- Lack of Depth in Development: Many students present ideas but do not develop them sufficiently, leading to a lower score in Task Response.
- Inaccurate Vocabulary: Students often use less common vocabulary incorrectly, which affects the Lexical Resource score.
- Poor Cohesion: Weak use of cohesive devices can make the essay difficult to follow, impacting the Coherence and Cohesion score.
- Grammatical Errors: Common grammatical mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement and tense consistency, can lower the Grammatical Range and Accuracy score.
- Repetition: Using the same words and phrases repeatedly can make the essay seem less sophisticated and reduce the Lexical Resource score.
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