IELTS Writing Task 2: Police Surveillance - Band 6.5 Sample with Full Breakdown
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The Prompt
Some people believe that police surveillance is necessary to maintain public safety, while others argue that it infringes on personal privacy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Band 6.5 Sample Answer
In my opinion, police surveillance is an essential tool for maintaining public safety, but it should be used responsibly to avoid infringing on personal privacy.
On the one hand, police surveillance can help prevent crime and protect the public. For example, cameras in public places can deter criminals and provide evidence for investigations. Additionally, monitoring suspicious activities can help police identify and apprehend criminals before they cause harm. According to a study by Cambridge Assessment English, 60% of test-takers agree that surveillance is necessary for public safety.
On the other hand, some people argue that police surveillance can infringe on personal privacy. For instance, constant monitoring can make people feel like they are being watched, which can be uncomfortable and invasive. Moreover, there is a risk that surveillance data could be misused or accessed by unauthorized individuals. However, these concerns can be addressed by implementing strict regulations and safeguards to protect personal data.
In conclusion, while police surveillance can raise privacy concerns, its benefits for public safety outweigh the risks. It is crucial to strike a balance between security and privacy to ensure that surveillance is used responsibly and effectively.
Scoring Breakdown
Task Response (TR): Band 6
- Presents a clear position but with some development and supporting ideas.
- Provides relevant, but limited, supporting ideas or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Band 6
- Uses cohesive devices but may make some errors in their use.
- Arranges information and ideas logically but may have some cohesion issues.
Lexical Resource (LR): Band 6
- Uses a mix of appropriate and less appropriate vocabulary.
- Attempts to use less common vocabulary but makes some errors in word choice and collocation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Band 6
- Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms.
- Makes occasional errors in grammar and punctuation but generally communicates clearly.
Vocabulary Highlights
- Maintain (verb): to keep in an existing state; preserve or protect.
- Example: Police surveillance helps maintain public safety.
- Infringe (verb): to violate or encroach upon something.
- Example: Surveillance can infringe on personal privacy.
- Deter (verb): to discourage or prevent something from happening.
- Example: Cameras can deter criminals.
- Apprehend (verb): to arrest or capture someone.
- Example: Police can apprehend criminals with surveillance evidence.
- Invasive (adjective): involving or likely to cause intrusion or encroachment.
- Example: Constant monitoring can feel invasive.
- Implement (verb): to put something into effect; carry out.
- Example: Strict regulations should be implemented to protect data.
- Strike a balance (idiom): to find a middle ground or compromise.
- Example: It is important to strike a balance between security and privacy.
- Responsibly (adverb): in a way that is sensible, prudent, or morally correct.
- Example: Surveillance should be used responsibly.
- Apprehend (verb): to arrest or capture someone.
- Example: Police can apprehend criminals with surveillance evidence.
- Misuse (verb): to use something improperly or for an incorrect purpose.
- Example: There is a risk that surveillance data could be misused.
- Unauthorized (adjective): not officially approved or permitted.
- Example: Data could be accessed by unauthorized individuals.
- Regulations (noun): rules or laws that control or govern something.
- Example: Strict regulations should be implemented to protect data.
- Safeguards (noun): measures taken to protect something.
- Example: Safeguards should be put in place to protect personal data.
- Effectively (adverb): in a way that is successful or produces a desired result.
- Example: Surveillance should be used effectively.
- Comfortable (adjective): in a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.
- Example: Constant monitoring can make people feel uncomfortable.
Common Mistakes
- Lack of Depth: Many students provide a clear position but fail to develop their ideas with sufficient detail and examples.
- Weak Vocabulary: Using basic vocabulary and repeating words can lower the Lexical Resource score.
- Grammar Errors: Occasional grammar and punctuation errors can affect the Grammatical Range and Accuracy score.
- Poor Cohesion: Inadequate use of cohesive devices can make the response difficult to follow and lower the Coherence and Cohesion score.
- Irrelevant Examples: Providing examples that do not support the main argument can weaken the response.
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