IELTS Writing Task 2: Ocean Pollution — Band 9.0 Sample with Full Breakdown

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The Prompt

Some people believe that the increasing number of ships and boats in the ocean is the main cause of ocean pollution. Others argue that pollution from land is the primary factor. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Band 9.0 Model Answer

The ocean, a vital ecosystem, faces severe pollution threats. While some attribute this primarily to maritime activities, others contend that land-based pollution is the culprit. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my stance.

On one hand, ships and boats contribute significantly to ocean pollution. According to the International Maritime Organization, vessels emit vast amounts of sulfur oxides and particulate matter, which harm marine life and contribute to acid rain. Additionally, oil spills, such as the 2010 Deepwater Horizon disaster, have devastating effects on ecosystems. Furthermore, the dumping of waste and plastics from ships exacerbates the problem, with an estimated 8 million tons of plastic entering the ocean annually, according to the Ocean Cleanup.

Conversely, land-based pollution is equally, if not more, damaging. Agricultural runoff, containing pesticides and fertilizers, leads to eutrophication, depleting oxygen in water bodies and causing marine life to suffocate. Industrial waste, often containing heavy metals and toxic chemicals, is another significant contributor. Moreover, plastic waste from land, which takes centuries to decompose, is often carried into the ocean by rivers and winds, posing a severe threat to marine animals.

In my opinion, while both sources of pollution are detrimental, land-based pollution is more pervasive and challenging to mitigate. The sheer volume of waste generated on land, coupled with inadequate waste management systems in many countries, makes it a more pressing issue. For instance, countries like China and Indonesia are among the top contributors to ocean plastic pollution, with inadequate infrastructure to manage waste effectively.

In conclusion, both maritime activities and land-based pollution contribute to ocean pollution. However, land-based pollution is a more significant threat due to its volume and the challenges in managing it effectively. Addressing this issue requires global cooperation and robust policies to mitigate its impact on our oceans.

Scoring Breakdown

Task Response (TR): 9.0 - Presents a clear position throughout the response. Presents, extends, and supports main trends, themes, or arguments with relevant, clear, and supported ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 9.0 - Uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention. Skilfully manages paragraphing. Uses a wide range of cohesive devices appropriately, although some may be faulty.

Lexical Resource (LR): 9.0 - Uses a wide range of vocabulary with very natural and sophisticated control of lexical features.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 9.0 - Uses a wide range of structures with full flexibility and precision. Rarely makes any mistakes in grammar, punctuation, or spelling.

Vocabulary Highlights

1. Vital (adj.): Essential or necessary. Example: The ocean is a vital ecosystem for marine life.
2. Severe (adj.): Serious or extreme. Example: The ocean faces severe pollution threats.
3. Maritime (adj.): Relating to the sea. Example: Maritime activities contribute to ocean pollution.
4. Emit (v.): Release or discharge. Example: Vessels emit vast amounts of sulfur oxides.
5. Eutrophication (n.): The process where a body of water becomes over-enriched with minerals and nutrients, inducing excessive growth of algae. Example: Agricultural runoff leads to eutrophication.
6. Deplete (v.): Reduce something in quantity. Example: Eutrophication depletes oxygen in water bodies.
7. Pervasive (adj.): Spreading widely throughout an area or group of people. Example: Land-based pollution is pervasive and challenging to mitigate.
8. Mitigate (v.): Make less severe, serious, or painful. Example: Robust policies are needed to mitigate the impact of pollution.
9. Robust (adj.): Strong and sturdy in construction. Example: Robust policies are needed to address pollution.
10. Cooperation (n.): The action or process of working together to the same end. Example: Global cooperation is essential to address pollution.
11. Infrastructure (n.): The basic physical and organizational structures and facilities needed for the operation of a society or enterprise. Example: Inadequate infrastructure contributes to pollution.
12. Decompose (v.): Rot or decay. Example: Plastic waste takes centuries to decompose.
13. Exacerbate (v.): Make a problem, bad situation, or negative feeling worse. Example: The dumping of waste exacerbates ocean pollution.
14. Devastating (adj.): Causing great damage or harm. Example: Oil spills have devastating effects on ecosystems.
15. Contribute (v.): Give a part of something to a shared fund, collection, or effort. Example: Ships and boats contribute significantly to ocean pollution.

Common Mistakes Students Make

1. Lack of Clear Position: Many students fail to present a clear position in their response, leading to a lower score in Task Response.
2. Inadequate Vocabulary: Using basic or repetitive vocabulary can limit the Lexical Resource score.
3. Poor Structure: Poor paragraphing and lack of cohesive devices can affect the Coherence and Cohesion score.
4. Grammatical Errors: Frequent grammatical errors can lower the Grammatical Range and Accuracy score.
5. Lack of Relevant Examples: Failing to provide relevant examples can weaken the argument and lower the Task Response score.

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