IELTS Writing Task 2: Obesity (Discussion) — Band 6/7/8/9 Model Answers
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Prompt
Some people believe that the increasing rate of obesity is primarily the responsibility of individuals, while others argue that governments should take the main responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Model Answers
Band 6.0 Answer
Score Breakdown:
- Task Response (TR): 5.0 - Presents a position but with limited development
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 6.0 - Some logical organization but with frequent lapses
- Lexical Resource (LR): 6.0 - Limited range of vocabulary with some errors
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 6.0 - Frequent errors that impede communication
Answer:
The obesity problem is big now. Some people say it is the fault of people. They say people eat too much junk food and don't do exercise. I agree with this because if you eat bad food, you will get fat. Also, people can choose to go to the gym but they don't. So, it is their fault.
But other people say the government should do something. They say there should be more rules about food. Maybe no more McDonald's or KFC. I don't agree. The government can't tell people what to eat. People should decide for themselves. Also, the government has other important things to do, like making laws and keeping the country safe.
In my opinion, people should take responsibility. If you eat healthy food and exercise, you won't be fat. The government can help a little, like telling people about healthy food, but it is not their main job.
Band 7.0 Answer
Score Breakdown:
- Task Response (TR): 7.0 - Presents a clear position with some development
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 7.0 - Logical organization with some lapses
- Lexical Resource (LR): 7.0 - Sufficient range of vocabulary with some errors
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 7.0 - Some errors but generally understandable
Answer:
The issue of obesity has become a significant concern in many countries. While some argue that individuals are primarily responsible for their weight, others believe that governments should take the lead in addressing this issue. Both views have merit, but I lean towards the idea that personal responsibility is key.
On one hand, individuals have the power to control their diet and exercise habits. Consuming excessive amounts of fast food and leading a sedentary lifestyle are choices that contribute to obesity. Therefore, it is reasonable to hold individuals accountable for their health. Moreover, personal responsibility encourages self-discipline and healthier lifestyle choices.
On the other hand, governments can play a role in combating obesity. They can implement policies that promote healthy eating, such as subsidizing fruits and vegetables or imposing taxes on sugary drinks. Additionally, governments can invest in public health campaigns to educate citizens about the dangers of obesity. However, these measures should complement rather than replace individual responsibility.
In conclusion, while governments can support efforts to reduce obesity, the primary responsibility lies with individuals. By making healthier choices, people can take control of their weight and improve their overall well-being.
Band 8.0 Answer
Score Breakdown:
- Task Response (TR): 8.0 - Presents a clear position with extended and supported arguments
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 8.0 - Logical organization with some sophisticated connectives
- Lexical Resource (LR): 8.0 - Wide range of vocabulary with some errors
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 8.0 - Some errors but generally accurate
Answer:
The escalating prevalence of obesity has sparked a debate regarding the primary responsibility for addressing this health crisis. While some contend that individuals should bear the brunt of this responsibility, others argue that governments should take the lead. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting a nuanced stance.
Proponents of individual responsibility argue that personal choices regarding diet and exercise are the primary contributors to obesity. The proliferation of fast food and sedentary lifestyles is often a result of individual decisions. Therefore, it is reasonable to assert that individuals should be held accountable for their health. Moreover, personal responsibility fosters self-discipline and empowers individuals to make healthier choices.
Conversely, advocates for government intervention posit that systemic factors contribute to obesity. Governments can implement policies that promote healthy eating, such as subsidizing nutritious foods or regulating the marketing of unhealthy products. Additionally, public health campaigns can educate citizens about the risks associated with obesity. However, these measures should not absolve individuals of their responsibility.
In conclusion, while governments can support efforts to reduce obesity, the primary responsibility lies with individuals. By making informed choices and adopting healthier lifestyles, people can take control of their weight and improve their overall well-being. Nevertheless, governments should provide the necessary support and resources to facilitate these efforts.
Band 9.0 Answer
Score Breakdown:
- Task Response (TR): 9.0 - Presents a clear position with extended and supported arguments
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 9.0 - Logical organization with sophisticated connectives
- Lexical Resource (LR): 9.0 - Wide range of vocabulary with precise usage
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 9.0 - Accurate with complex sentence structures
Answer:
The burgeoning obesity epidemic has ignited a contentious debate regarding the locus of responsibility. While some assert that individuals should be primarily accountable for their weight, others contend that governments must assume a pivotal role. This essay will meticulously examine both viewpoints before advocating a balanced approach.
Advocates of individual responsibility contend that personal choices regarding diet and physical activity are the primary determinants of obesity. The ubiquitous availability of calorie-dense, nutrient-poor foods, coupled with sedentary lifestyles, is often a consequence of individual decisions. Therefore, it is tenable to posit that individuals should be held accountable for their health. Moreover, personal responsibility cultivates self-efficacy and empowers individuals to make salutary choices.
Conversely, proponents of government intervention argue that systemic factors exacerbate the obesity crisis. Governments can enact policies that promote healthy eating, such as implementing subsidies for fruits and vegetables or levying taxes on sugary beverages. Furthermore, comprehensive public health campaigns can disseminate information about the deleterious effects of obesity. Nevertheless, these measures should not obviate individual responsibility.
In conclusion, while governments can facilitate efforts to mitigate obesity, the onus primarily lies with individuals. By making informed decisions and adopting healthier lifestyles, people can exert control over their weight and enhance their overall well-being. However, governments should provide the necessary infrastructure and resources to support these endeavors. A synergistic approach that combines individual responsibility with government support is likely to yield the most efficacious results.
Vocabulary Highlights
- Escalating (adj): Increasing rapidly; intensifying.
- Example: The escalating prevalence of obesity is a cause for concern.
- Proponents (n): Advocates or supporters of a particular cause or idea.
- Example: Proponents of government intervention argue for stricter regulations.
- Ubiquitous (adj): Present, appearing, or found everywhere.
- Example: The ubiquitous availability of fast food contributes to obesity.
- Tenable (adj): Able to be maintained or defended against attack or objection.
- Example: It is tenable to argue that individuals should be held accountable for their health.
- Salutary (adj): Conductive to health or well-being.
- Example: Making salutary choices can improve overall well-being.
- Deleterious (adj): Causing harm or damage.
- Example: The deleterious effects of obesity are well-documented.
- Obviate (v): Remove (a need or difficulty).
- Example: Government policies should not obviate individual responsibility.
- Synergistic (adj): Relating to the interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects.
- Example: A synergistic approach can yield the most efficacious results.
- Efficacious (adj): (Of something, especially a drug or a medical treatment) producing a decided, beneficial effect.
- Example: The new policy has been efficacious in reducing obesity rates.
- Contentious (adj): Causing or likely to cause an argument; controversial.
- Example: The contentious debate about obesity continues.
- Locus (n): The place or position of something, especially a point of concentration.
- Example: The locus of responsibility for obesity is debated.
- Calorie-dense (adj): Containing a high number of calories in a small volume or weight.
- Example: Calorie-dense foods contribute to weight gain.
- Nutrient-poor (adj): Lacking in essential nutrients.
- Example: Nutrient-poor diets are linked to obesity.
- Levying (v): Imposing (a tax, fee, or fine).
- Example: The government is levying taxes on sugary beverages.
- Disseminate (v): Spread (information) widely; circulate.
- Example: Public health campaigns disseminate information about obesity.
- Deleterious (adj): Causing harm or damage.
- Example: The deleterious effects of obesity are well-documented.
- Synergistic (adj): Relating to the interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects.
- Example: A synergistic approach can yield the most efficacious results.
- Efficacious (adj): (Of something, especially a drug or a medical treatment) producing a decided, beneficial effect.
- Example: The new policy has been efficacious in reducing obesity rates.
- Contentious (adj): Causing or likely to cause an argument; controversial.
- Example: The contentious debate about obesity continues.
- Locus (n): The place or position of something, especially a point of concentration.
- Example: The locus of responsibility for obesity is debated.
Common Mistakes
- Overgeneralization: Making sweeping statements without sufficient evidence or examples.
- Lack of Clarity: Failing to clearly present a position or argument, leading to confusion.
- Inadequate Vocabulary: Using limited or repetitive vocabulary, which can make the writing appear less sophisticated.
- Poor Grammar: Making frequent grammatical errors that impede understanding.
- Insufficient Development: Not fully developing arguments with supporting details and examples.
- Irrelevant Information: Including information that does not directly address the prompt.
- Weak Conclusion: Failing to summarize the main points or present a strong final argument.
- Poor Coherence: Not organizing ideas logically, making the essay difficult to follow.
- Overuse of Simple Sentences: Relying too much on simple sentences, which can make the writing appear less sophisticated.
- Ignoring Counterarguments: Failing to acknowledge and address opposing viewpoints, which can weaken the argument.
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