IELTS Writing Task 2: Obesity - Band 6.5 Sample with Full Breakdown

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Prompt

Some people believe that the increasing rate of obesity is primarily a consequence of modern lifestyle. Others think that genetic factors are the main cause. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Band 6.5 Sample Answer

Obesity has become a significant health issue in many countries, and there are differing opinions on its primary cause. While some people attribute it to modern lifestyle choices, others believe genetic factors are to blame. Both views have merit, but I believe lifestyle plays a more significant role.

On one hand, modern lifestyle choices contribute significantly to obesity. Many people today lead sedentary lives, with jobs that require little physical activity. Additionally, the availability of high-calorie, processed foods has increased, making it easier to consume more calories than needed. For example, fast food is often cheaper and more convenient than healthy options, leading many people to choose unhealthy diets. Furthermore, the prevalence of screen-based entertainment and lack of physical education in schools contribute to a more sedentary lifestyle, which can lead to weight gain.

On the other hand, genetic factors also play a role in obesity. Some people are predisposed to gain weight due to their genetic makeup. For instance, certain genetic conditions can affect metabolism, making it harder for some individuals to maintain a healthy weight. Additionally, family history of obesity can increase the likelihood of an individual becoming obese. However, while genetics may predispose someone to obesity, it is ultimately lifestyle choices that determine whether they become obese.

In conclusion, while genetic factors can contribute to obesity, I believe that modern lifestyle choices are the primary cause. Addressing the issue requires a combination of personal responsibility and societal changes, such as promoting healthier diets and increasing physical activity.

Scoring Breakdown

Task Response (TR): 6.0 - The response presents a clear position throughout the response. Each main body paragraph presents relevant, extended, and supported ideas but with some development. The conclusion is present and appropriate.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 6.5 - The answer is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a different aspect of the argument. However, some sentences are awkwardly phrased, and the transitions between ideas could be smoother.

Lexical Resource (LR): 6.5 - The answer uses a mix of appropriate and varied vocabulary. There are some less common lexical items, but there are also some errors in word choice and collocation.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 6.5 - The answer uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, but they do not impede understanding.

Vocabulary Highlights

1. Significant (adj.) - important or noticeable. Example: Obesity has become a significant health issue.
2. Attribute (v.) - to consider something as the result of a cause. Example: Some people attribute obesity to modern lifestyle choices.
3. Sedentary (adj.) - involving little exercise or physical activity. Example: Many people today lead sedentary lives.
4. Prevalence (n.) - the fact of being widespread or common. Example: The prevalence of screen-based entertainment contributes to obesity.
5. Predispose (v.) - to make someone likely to develop a particular condition. Example: Some people are predisposed to gain weight due to their genetic makeup.
6. Metabolism (n.) - the chemical processes that occur within a living organism. Example: Certain genetic conditions can affect metabolism.
7. Ultimately (adv.) - finally or eventually. Example: It is ultimately lifestyle choices that determine whether they become obese.
8. Promoting (v.) - to support or encourage something. Example: Addressing the issue requires promoting healthier diets.
9. Convenience (n.) - the state of being convenient or suitable. Example: Fast food is often more convenient than healthy options.
10. Prevalence (n.) - the fact of being widespread or common. Example: The prevalence of screen-based entertainment contributes to obesity.
11. Predispose (v.) - to make someone likely to develop a particular condition. Example: Some people are predisposed to gain weight due to their genetic makeup.
12. Metabolism (n.) - the chemical processes that occur within a living organism. Example: Certain genetic conditions can affect metabolism.
13. Ultimately (adv.) - finally or eventually. Example: It is ultimately lifestyle choices that determine whether they become obese.
14. Promoting (v.) - to support or encourage something. Example: Addressing the issue requires promoting healthier diets.
15. Convenience (n.) - the state of being convenient or suitable. Example: Fast food is often more convenient than healthy options.

Common Mistakes

1. Overgeneralization - Some students make broad statements without providing specific examples or evidence to support their claims.
2. Lack of Coherence - Students may jump from one idea to another without clear transitions, making the argument difficult to follow.
3. Repetition - Repeating the same words or phrases can make the writing seem less sophisticated and can lower the Lexical Resource score.
4. Grammar Errors - Common grammar mistakes include subject-verb agreement errors, incorrect tense usage, and awkward sentence structures.
5. Poor Vocabulary Choices - Using vague or inappropriate words can make the argument less convincing and can lower the Lexical Resource score.

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