IELTS Writing Task 2: Money And Happiness (Problem Solution) — Band 6/7/8/9 Model Answers
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Full Prompt
> In many countries, people believe that money is the key to happiness. However, others argue that money does not necessarily lead to happiness. What problems arise when people pursue money as a measure of happiness? What solutions can help people find happiness without focusing solely on money?
Band 6.0 Model Answer
Problems and Solutions for Money and Happiness
Many people think money can buy happiness, but this is not always true. When people chase money, several problems occur. First, they may work too much and have no time for family or friends. Second, money can cause stress and health problems. Third, people might become greedy and lose their morals.
To fix these problems, we need solutions. First, people should spend time with loved ones instead of working all the time. Second, they should practice hobbies that make them happy, like sports or art. Third, society should teach the importance of kindness and sharing. Governments can help by promoting work-life balance and supporting mental health.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR) 5.0: Presents a clear position but with some irrelevant points.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC) 6.0: Logical but with some unnecessary repetition.
- Lexical Resource (LR) 6.0: Uses some less common vocabulary but with some errors.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA) 6.0: Mostly correct but with some errors that may impede understanding.
Band 7.0 Model Answer
The Pursuit of Wealth and Its Consequences
The belief that money equals happiness has led to several societal issues. Excessive focus on wealth accumulation often results in strained relationships, as individuals prioritize work over family and friends. Additionally, financial stress and the pressure to maintain a certain lifestyle can lead to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. Furthermore, the obsession with money can foster materialism and a lack of empathy for others.
To address these problems, a multi-faceted approach is necessary. Employers should encourage a healthy work-life balance by offering flexible working hours and promoting mental well-being. Educational institutions can incorporate courses on emotional intelligence and the importance of non-materialistic values. Additionally, governments can implement policies that support community-building activities and discourage excessive consumerism. By fostering a culture that values relationships, personal growth, and community engagement, societies can help individuals find happiness beyond monetary wealth.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR) 7.0: Presents a clear position with relevant, extended, and supported ideas.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC) 7.0: Logical organization with clear progression and some sophisticated cohesion.
- Lexical Resource (LR) 7.0: Uses a mix of less common and some sophisticated vocabulary with some errors.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA) 7.0: Mostly error-free but with a few errors that may cause some difficulty for the reader.
Band 8.0 Model Answer
Balancing Material Wealth and Emotional Well-being
The pursuit of financial prosperity often comes at the expense of emotional well-being, creating a paradox where the very thing people believe will bring happiness can, in fact, detract from it. One of the primary issues is the erosion of work-life balance, as individuals sacrifice personal relationships and leisure time in the relentless pursuit of financial gain. Another significant problem is the psychological toll of financial stress, which can manifest in anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Furthermore, the societal emphasis on material success can lead to a skewed sense of values, where individuals measure their worth based on their financial status rather than their personal qualities or contributions to society.
To mitigate these issues, a holistic approach is essential. Employers can play a pivotal role by implementing policies that promote work-life balance, such as flexible working arrangements and mental health support programs. Educational institutions should incorporate curricula that emphasize emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and the importance of intrinsic values over materialistic pursuits. Governments can also contribute by enacting policies that support community-building initiatives and promoting a culture of gratitude and contentment. By fostering a society that values emotional well-being and personal fulfillment as much as financial success, individuals can achieve a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR) 8.0: Presents a clear position with relevant, extended, and supported ideas, showing a clear progression and development.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC) 8.0: Logical organization with clear progression and sophisticated cohesion.
- Lexical Resource (LR) 8.0: Uses a wide range of less common and sophisticated vocabulary with some errors but minimal impact on meaning.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA) 8.0: Mostly error-free with a few minor errors that do not impede understanding.
Band 9.0 Model Answer
Rediscovering Happiness Beyond Material Wealth
The contemporary obsession with financial prosperity as the ultimate arbiter of happiness has given rise to a myriad of social and psychological challenges. The relentless pursuit of wealth often leads to the neglect of personal relationships, as individuals prioritize professional commitments over familial bonds and social connections. Additionally, the pressure to maintain a certain lifestyle can induce chronic stress, contributing to a range of mental health issues. Moreover, the societal glorification of material success can foster a culture of consumerism and superficiality, where individuals derive their sense of self-worth from their possessions rather than their character or contributions to society.
To address these issues, a paradigm shift is necessary. Employers should champion a culture of work-life integration, offering flexible working arrangements and promoting mental well-being through initiatives such as mindfulness programs and counseling services. Educational institutions can play a crucial role by incorporating curricula that emphasize emotional intelligence, ethical values, and the importance of intrinsic motivations. Governments can support this shift by implementing policies that encourage community engagement and discourage excessive consumerism. By fostering a society that values personal fulfillment, emotional well-being, and social connections, individuals can achieve a more balanced and meaningful life, redefining happiness beyond the confines of material wealth.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR) 9.0: Presents a clear position with relevant, extended, and supported ideas, showing a clear progression and development.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC) 9.0: Logical organization with clear progression and sophisticated cohesion.
- Lexical Resource (LR) 9.0: Uses a wide range of less common and sophisticated vocabulary with minimal errors.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA) 9.0: Mostly error-free with a few minor errors that do not impede understanding.
Vocabulary Highlights
- Arbiter (noun): A person who has the power or authority to decide a dispute. Example: The judge acted as the arbiter in the legal case.
- Myriad (adjective): Countless or extremely numerous. Example: The festival offered a myriad of entertainment options.
- Relentless (adjective): Continuing without pause or surrender. Example: The team displayed relentless determination throughout the tournament.
- Chronic (adjective): Persisting for a long time or constantly recurring. Example: The chronic pain made it difficult for her to perform daily activities.
- Glorification (noun): The act of praising or honoring someone or something excessively. Example: The media's glorification of celebrity lifestyles can create unrealistic expectations.
- Consumerism (noun): The belief that it is good to buy and use a lot of goods and services. Example: The rise of consumerism has led to increased environmental concerns.
- Superficiality (noun): Lack of real substance or significance. Example: The superficiality of social media interactions can lead to feelings of isolation.
- Paradigm (noun): A typical example or pattern of something. Example: The new paradigm in education emphasizes critical thinking and creativity.
- Integration (noun): The process of combining different elements into a unified whole. Example: The company focused on the integration of new technologies into its operations.
- Champion (verb): To support or defend something actively. Example: The organization champions the rights of marginalized communities.
- Curricula (noun): The subjects comprising a course of study in a school or college. Example: The university reviewed its curricula to include more contemporary topics.
- Intrinsic (adjective): Belonging naturally; essential. Example: Her intrinsic motivation drove her to excel in her studies.
- Arbiter (noun): A person who has the power or authority to decide a dispute. Example: The judge acted as the arbiter in the legal case.
- Myriad (adjective): Countless or extremely numerous. Example: The festival offered a myriad of entertainment options.
- Relentless (adjective): Continuing without pause or surrender. Example: The team displayed relentless determination throughout the tournament.
- Chronic (adjective): Persisting for a long time or constantly recurring. Example: The chronic pain made it difficult for her to perform daily activities.
- Glorification (noun): The act of praising or honoring someone or something excessively. Example: The media's glorification of celebrity lifestyles can create unrealistic expectations.
- Consumerism (noun): The belief that it is good to buy and use a lot of goods and services. Example: The rise of consumerism has led to increased environmental concerns.
- Superficiality (noun): Lack of real substance or significance. Example: The superficiality of social media interactions can lead to feelings of isolation.
- Paradigm (noun): A typical example or pattern of something. Example: The new paradigm in education emphasizes critical thinking and creativity.
- Integration (noun): The process of combining different elements into a unified whole. Example: The company focused on the integration of new technologies into its operations.
- Champion (verb): To support or defend something actively. Example: The organization champions the rights of marginalized communities.
- Curricula (noun): The subjects comprising a course of study in a school or college. Example: The university reviewed its curricula to include more contemporary topics.
- Intrinsic (adjective): Belonging naturally; essential. Example: Her intrinsic motivation drove her to excel in her studies.
- Intrinsic (adjective): Belonging naturally; essential. Example: Her intrinsic motivation drove her to excel in her studies.
Common Mistakes Students Make
- Overgeneralization: Making broad statements without sufficient evidence or examples.
- Lack of Specificity: Providing vague solutions without detailing how they would be implemented.
- Poor Cohesion: Failing to connect ideas logically, leading to a disjointed essay.
- Repetition: Repeating the same points or vocabulary without adding new information.
- Ignoring Counterarguments: Not addressing opposing views, which weakens the argument.
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