IELTS Writing Task 2: Money And Happiness — Band 9.0 Sample with Full Breakdown
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The Prompt
Some people believe that money cannot buy happiness. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give relevant supporting ideas and examples to support your answer.
Band 9.0 Model Answer
Money cannot buy happiness. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The notion that money cannot purchase happiness is widely debated. While I agree that wealth is not a direct route to contentment, I believe it can significantly contribute to it. This position will be explored through examining the psychological aspects of happiness and the practical benefits money provides.
On a fundamental level, happiness stems from emotional well-being and personal fulfillment, neither of which can be bought. Extensive research in positive psychology, such as studies by Martin Seligman, suggests that meaningful relationships and personal growth are far greater determinants of happiness than material wealth. For instance, someone earning a modest income but enjoying strong social connections and engaging work may feel far more content than a wealthy individual suffering from loneliness or stress.
However, the practical advantages of money are undeniable. Financial security reduces stress and anxiety, creating an environment where happiness can flourish. Consider the example of a person struggling with debt—the constant pressure can severely impact mental health. In contrast, having sufficient funds to meet basic needs and enjoy leisure activities provides a stable foundation for happiness. Furthermore, money enables access to experiences and opportunities that can enrich lives, such as education or travel, which often lead to personal growth and satisfaction.
In conclusion, while money alone cannot guarantee happiness, it plays a crucial role in creating conditions that allow it to develop. The key lies in balancing financial stability with other essential aspects of well-being, such as relationships and personal fulfillment.
Scoring Breakdown
Task Response (TR): 9.0 - Presents a clear position throughout and extends and supports ideas with relevant examples and supporting details. Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 9.0 - Uses cohesion in such a way that relationships between sentences and ideas are clear and logical progression is easy to follow. Lexical Resource (LR): 9.0 - Uses a wide range of vocabulary with very natural and sophisticated control of word choice and collocation. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 9.0 - Uses a wide range of complex sentence forms with full flexibility and accuracy, demonstrating expertise in English grammar.
Band 8.0 Model Answer
Money cannot buy happiness. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The idea that money cannot bring happiness is often discussed. I partly agree with this statement, as while money is important for a comfortable life, it is not the only factor that leads to happiness.
On one hand, having money can make life easier and reduce stress. For example, people with financial stability do not have to worry about paying bills or buying food, which can lead to a sense of security and contentment. Additionally, money allows people to afford experiences that can bring joy, such as traveling or pursuing hobbies. However, money alone cannot guarantee happiness, as many wealthy people still face problems like loneliness or health issues.
On the other hand, true happiness often comes from non-material sources. Strong relationships with family and friends, good health, and a sense of purpose in life are all important for well-being. For instance, someone with a loving family and meaningful work may feel happier than a wealthy person who lacks these things. Moreover, studies have shown that helping others and contributing to society can bring a deep sense of fulfillment that money cannot buy.
In conclusion, while money can contribute to happiness by providing comfort and opportunities, it is not the only factor. True happiness comes from a combination of material security and emotional well-being.
Scoring Breakdown
Task Response (TR): 8.0 - Presents a clear position throughout and extends and supports main trends/directions with relevant supporting ideas. Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 8.0 - Uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention—logical progression is clear. Lexical Resource (LR): 8.0 - Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision, with only occasional errors. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 8.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with a good level of accuracy, demonstrating a good command of English grammar.
Band 7.0 Model Answer
Money cannot buy happiness. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people say that money cannot make you happy. I agree with this opinion to some extent, as money can help but it is not everything.
Firstly, money can make life more comfortable. For example, if you have money, you can buy a good house and nice clothes. You can also travel to different places and enjoy good food. These things can make you happy temporarily. However, money cannot solve all problems. If you are not healthy or do not have good friends, you may still feel unhappy even if you are rich.
Secondly, happiness comes from other things besides money. Having a good family and friends is very important. Also, doing something you love, like a hobby or job, can make you happy. For example, a person who loves painting may feel happy spending time creating art, even if they do not earn much money from it.
In conclusion, money can help you have a better life, but it cannot buy happiness. Other things like health, family, and hobbies are also important for being happy.
Scoring Breakdown
Task Response (TR): 7.0 - Presents a clear position throughout the response but may not extend or support ideas fully. Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 7.0 - Uses cohesion to organize information and ideas logically, though there may be some lapses in cohesion. Lexical Resource (LR): 7.0 - Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey ideas, though there may be some inappropriate word choices or collocations. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 7.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but there may be some errors in grammar and punctuation.
Band 6.0 Model Answer
Money cannot buy happiness. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
I think money can buy happiness because it can give you many things that make you happy.
If you have money, you can buy whatever you want. For example, you can buy a big house, a nice car, and expensive clothes. These things can make you happy because you feel good when you have them. Also, you can go on vacation and do fun things. Money can also help you to not worry about problems like paying bills or going to the doctor.
Some people say that money cannot buy happiness, but I disagree. Even if you have good friends and family, you still need money to do things with them. For example, you need money to go out to eat or to travel together. Without money, it is hard to enjoy life.
In conclusion, money can buy happiness because it allows you to have nice things and do fun activities. It also helps you to not have problems with money.
Scoring Breakdown
Task Response (TR): 6.0 - Presents a position but may not develop ideas fully or may include irrelevant details. Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 6.0 - Uses some cohesion to organize information and ideas, but there may be some confusion in logical progression. Lexical Resource (LR): 6.0 - Uses a limited range of vocabulary, which may lead to some repetition or inappropriate choices. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 6.0 - Uses mostly simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex structures, but there may be frequent errors in grammar and punctuation.
Vocabulary Highlights
- Contentment (noun) - a state of happiness or satisfaction. Example: Financial security brings a sense of contentment.
- Emotional well-being (noun phrase) - a state of good mental health. Example: Emotional well-being is crucial for overall happiness.
- Personal fulfillment (noun phrase) - a feeling of satisfaction from achieving one's goals. Example: Volunteering provides a sense of personal fulfillment.
- Non-material (adjective) - not relating to physical objects or money. Example: True happiness often comes from non-material sources.
- Financial stability (noun phrase) - a situation where a person or family has enough money to meet their needs. Example: Financial stability reduces stress and anxiety.
- Meaningful relationships (noun phrase) - relationships that are important and valuable. Example: Meaningful relationships contribute significantly to happiness.
- Leisure activities (noun phrase) - activities done for enjoyment during free time. Example: Money enables access to leisure activities that bring joy.
- Psychological aspects (noun phrase) - factors related to the mind and emotions. Example: The psychological aspects of happiness are complex.
- Material wealth (noun phrase) - physical possessions and money. Example: Material wealth does not always lead to happiness.
- Loneliness (noun) - the state of being alone and sad about it. Example: Loneliness can affect even the wealthiest individuals.
- Debt (noun) - money that is owed. Example: Struggling with debt can severely impact mental health.
- Personal growth (noun phrase) - the development of one's abilities and character. Example: Travel can lead to personal growth and satisfaction.
- Positive psychology (noun phrase) - the scientific study of human flourishing and well-being. Example: Studies in positive psychology highlight the importance of relationships.
- Stress (noun) - a state of mental or emotional strain. Example: Financial insecurity can cause significant stress.
- Sense of purpose (noun phrase) - a feeling of having a meaningful goal in life. Example: A sense of purpose is crucial for well-being.
- Contribute to (verb phrase) - to help to cause or bring about something. Example: Money can contribute to happiness by providing comfort.
- Deep sense of fulfillment (noun phrase) - a strong feeling of satisfaction. Example: Helping others can bring a deep sense of fulfillment.
- Non-material sources (noun phrase) - sources of happiness that are not related to money or physical objects. Example: True happiness often comes from non-material sources.
- Material security (noun phrase) - the state of having enough money to meet one's needs. Example: Material security is important for happiness.
- Emotional well-being (noun phrase) - a state of good mental health. Example: Emotional well-being is crucial for overall happiness.
Common Mistakes Students Make
- Overgeneralizing - Students often make broad statements without sufficient support. For example, saying "Money can buy anything" without discussing specific examples or limitations.
- Ignoring Counterarguments - Failing to acknowledge opposing views can weaken the argument. A strong essay should address and refute counterarguments.
- Repetition - Using the same vocabulary or phrases repeatedly can make the essay seem less sophisticated. Synonyms and varied sentence structures should be used.
- Poor Organization - Essays that lack clear paragraphs or logical progression can be difficult to follow. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
- Grammatical Errors - Common mistakes include subject-verb agreement errors, incorrect tense usage, and punctuation errors. These can detract from the overall quality of the essay.
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