IELTS Writing Task 2: Mental Health — Band 6.5 Sample with Full Breakdown
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Prompt
Some people believe that governments should invest in mental health facilities, while others think that individuals should take responsibility for their own mental well-being. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Answers
Band 6.5 Sample Answer
Mental health is a significant issue in today's society. Some people argue that governments should invest more in mental health facilities, while others believe that individuals should take responsibility for their own mental well-being. This essay will discuss both views.
On one hand, governments should invest in mental health facilities. Mental health issues are increasing, and many people cannot afford private treatment. Governments can provide affordable or free services to those in need. For example, in many countries, public hospitals offer mental health services at a low cost. This helps people who cannot afford private treatment. Additionally, governments can fund research to better understand and treat mental health issues. This can lead to better treatments and possibly even cures for some conditions.
On the other hand, individuals should take responsibility for their own mental well-being. People should take care of their mental health just as they do their physical health. This includes eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep. It also includes seeking help when needed. Many people ignore their mental health until it becomes a serious problem. By taking responsibility, individuals can prevent mental health issues from developing in the first place.
In conclusion, both views have merit. Governments should invest in mental health facilities to provide affordable treatment and fund research. However, individuals should also take responsibility for their own mental well-being by maintaining a healthy lifestyle and seeking help when needed.
Scoring Breakdown
Task Response (TR): 6.0
- Presents a clear position throughout the response.
- Addresses all parts of the task, but some points are irrelevant or insufficiently developed.
- Presents a position but does not extend and support it fully.
Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 6.0
- Uses cohesive devices but sometimes inappropriately.
- Uses paragraphs, but there may be unclear referencing.
- Ideas are logically organized but lack clear progression.
Lexical Resource (LR): 6.0
- Uses a mix of simple and complex vocabulary.
- Attempts to use less common vocabulary but makes some errors.
- Vocabulary is adequate but lacks sophistication.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 6.0
- Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms.
- Makes frequent grammatical errors that may impede understanding.
- Punctuation is generally correct but with some errors.
Vocabulary Highlights
- Significant (adj.): Important or noticeable.
- Example: Mental health is a significant issue in today's society.
- Invest (v.): To put money or resources into something to achieve a future benefit.
- Example: Governments should invest in mental health facilities.
- Affordable (adj.): Inexpensive; reasonably priced.
- Example: Governments can provide affordable services to those in need.
- Prevent (v.): To stop something from happening.
- Example: By taking responsibility, individuals can prevent mental health issues.
- Seek (v.): To attempt to find or get something.
- Example: Individuals should seek help when needed.
- Fund (v.): To provide money for something.
- Example: Governments can fund research to better understand mental health issues.
- Understand (v.): To grasp the meaning or importance of something.
- Example: Governments can fund research to better understand mental health issues.
- Treat (v.): To deal with something in a particular way.
- Example: Governments can fund research to better understand and treat mental health issues.
- Develop (v.): To grow or progress.
- Example: Many people ignore their mental health until it becomes a serious problem.
- Maintain (v.): To keep something in an existing state.
- Example: Individuals should maintain a healthy lifestyle.
- Regularly (adv.): Happening or done at fixed or uniform intervals.
- Example: People should exercise regularly.
- Serious (adj.): Requiring careful consideration or attention.
- Example: Many people ignore their mental health until it becomes a serious problem.
- Issue (n.): A subject or topic of discussion or debate.
- Example: Mental health is a significant issue in today's society.
- Facility (n.): A place, amenity, or piece of equipment provided for a particular purpose.
- Example: Governments should invest in mental health facilities.
- Responsibility (n.): The state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone.
- Example: Individuals should take responsibility for their own mental well-being.
- Well-being (n.): The state of being comfortable, healthy, or happy.
- Example: Individuals should take responsibility for their own mental well-being.
- Diet (n.): The kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats.
- Example: People should eat a healthy diet.
- Exercise (v.): To use or practice a faculty, skill, or process in order to develop or improve it.
- Example: People should exercise regularly.
- Sleep (n.): A condition of body and mind which typically recurs for several hours every night, in which the nervous system is inactive, the eyes closed, the postural muscles relaxed, and consciousness practically suspended.
- Example: People should get enough sleep.
- Help (n.): The action of helping someone to do something.
- Example: Individuals should seek help when needed.
Common Mistakes
- Lack of Specific Examples: Many students fail to provide specific examples to support their arguments. This makes their responses less convincing.
- Inadequate Vocabulary: Using simple vocabulary can limit the sophistication of the response. Students should aim to use a range of vocabulary, including some less common words.
- Grammatical Errors: Frequent grammatical errors can make the response difficult to understand. Students should proofread their work to catch and correct these errors.
- Irrelevant Points: Including points that do not address the task can weaken the response. Students should ensure that all points are relevant to the prompt.
- Poor Coherence and Cohesion: Unclear referencing and lack of logical progression can make the response difficult to follow. Students should use cohesive devices appropriately and ensure that their ideas are logically organized.
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