IELTS Writing Task 2: Mental Health (Agree Disagree) - Band 6/7/8/9 Model Answers

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The Prompt

Paraphrased Prompt: Some people believe that mental health issues are primarily caused by societal pressures, while others argue that individual factors play a bigger role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Model Answers

Band 6.0 Answer

Sample Answer:

In today's world, many people think that mental health problems come from society. Others say it's more about the person. I think both are important.

First, society can cause stress. For example, work can be too much. Also, social media makes people feel bad about themselves. Many people have anxiety because of these things.

But, some people handle stress better. For example, some people exercise to feel better. Others talk to friends. These people don't have as many mental health problems. So, it's also about the person.

In conclusion, society and the person both matter. We should help people with both.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 5.0 - Presents a position but lacks development and clear progression.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 6.0 - Uses some cohesive devices but often relies on simple connectors.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 6.0 - Uses some task-specific vocabulary but makes some errors in word choice and collocation.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 6.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms but makes frequent grammatical errors.

Band 7.0 Answer

Sample Answer:

The causes of mental health issues are often debated. Some argue societal pressures are the main factor, while others believe individual factors are more significant. Both views have merit, but I believe societal pressures are more influential.

On one hand, societal expectations can contribute to mental health problems. For instance, the pressure to succeed academically or professionally can lead to stress and anxiety. Additionally, social media can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy, as people compare themselves to curated online personas. According to a study by the World Health Organization, 60% of mental health issues are linked to societal pressures.

On the other hand, individual factors also play a role. Personal resilience and coping mechanisms can mitigate the impact of societal pressures. For example, regular exercise and mindfulness practices can improve mental well-being. However, these individual factors are often influenced by societal conditions, such as access to healthcare and social support.

In conclusion, while individual factors are important, societal pressures have a more profound impact on mental health. Addressing societal issues can lead to better mental health outcomes for everyone.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 7.0 - Presents a clear position and develops arguments with some supporting ideas.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 7.0 - Uses a mix of cohesive devices effectively but may occasionally rely on simple connectors.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 7.0 - Uses a range of vocabulary appropriately but may make some errors in word choice and collocation.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 7.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with some grammatical errors.

Band 8.0 Answer

Sample Answer:

The etiology of mental health disorders is a contentious issue, with proponents of societal pressures and individual factors each presenting compelling arguments. While both perspectives hold validity, I contend that societal pressures exert a more significant influence on mental health.

Proponents of societal pressures argue convincingly that external factors contribute substantially to mental health issues. For instance, the relentless pursuit of academic and professional success can engender chronic stress and anxiety. Moreover, the pervasive influence of social media can foster feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, as individuals compare their lives to the idealized representations of others. Empirical evidence from the National Institute of Mental Health corroborates this view, indicating that 70% of mental health issues are exacerbated by societal pressures.

Conversely, individual factors cannot be discounted. Personal resilience and coping mechanisms can ameliorate the impact of societal pressures. For example, engaging in regular physical activity and practicing mindfulness can enhance mental well-being. However, these individual strategies are often contingent upon societal support systems, such as access to healthcare and social services.

In conclusion, while individual factors are undeniably important, societal pressures wield a more potent influence on mental health. Addressing societal issues can lead to more comprehensive and effective mental health interventions.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 8.0 - Presents a clear position and develops arguments with relevant, extended, and supported ideas.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 8.0 - Uses a range of cohesive devices effectively to guide the reader through the response.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 8.0 - Uses a wide range of vocabulary appropriately, with some less common lexical items used effectively.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 8.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with some grammatical errors but generally accurate.

Band 9.0 Answer

Sample Answer:

The debate surrounding the primary determinants of mental health issues has garnered significant attention, with proponents of societal pressures and individual factors each presenting persuasive arguments. While both perspectives merit consideration, I posit that societal pressures exert a more profound and pervasive influence on mental health.

Advocates of the societal pressures perspective present a compelling case, citing the ubiquitous nature of external stressors. The relentless pursuit of academic and professional success, coupled with the pervasive influence of social media, can engender a myriad of mental health issues. For instance, the pressure to conform to societal standards of beauty and success can lead to body image disturbances and anxiety. Furthermore, the lack of work-life balance can result in chronic stress and burnout. Empirical evidence from the World Health Organization lends credence to this view, indicating that 80% of mental health issues are exacerbated by societal pressures.

Conversely, individual factors cannot be dismissed outright. Personal resilience and coping mechanisms can mitigate the impact of societal pressures. For example, engaging in regular physical activity, practicing mindfulness, and seeking professional help can enhance mental well-being. However, these individual strategies are often contingent upon societal support systems, such as access to healthcare, social services, and mental health education.

In conclusion, while individual factors are undeniably important, societal pressures wield a more potent and pervasive influence on mental health. Addressing societal issues can lead to more comprehensive, effective, and sustainable mental health interventions. By fostering a supportive and inclusive society, we can create an environment that promotes mental well-being for all.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response (TR): 9.0 - Presents a clear position and develops arguments with relevant, extended, and supported ideas, using a wide range of vocabulary and sophisticated sentence structures.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 9.0 - Uses a range of cohesive devices effectively to guide the reader through the response, with a clear and logical progression of ideas.
• Lexical Resource (LR): 9.0 - Uses a wide range of vocabulary appropriately, with less common lexical items used effectively and accurately.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 9.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with a high degree of accuracy and sophistication.

Vocabulary Highlights

1. Etiology: The study or theory of the causes of a disease or condition.

• Example: The etiology of mental health disorders is complex and multifaceted.

1. Contentious: Causing or likely to cause controversy; controversial.

• Example: The debate surrounding mental health issues is highly contentious.

1. Proponents: A person who advocates for a cause or proposal.

• Example: Proponents of societal pressures argue that external factors contribute significantly to mental health issues.

1. Engender: Cause or give rise to (a situation, feeling, or condition).

• Example: The pressure to succeed can engender chronic stress and anxiety.

1. Pervasive: Spreading widely throughout an area or a group of people.

• Example: The pervasive influence of social media can foster feelings of inadequacy.

1. Ameliorate: Make (something bad or unsatisfactory) better.

• Example: Engaging in regular physical activity can ameliorate the impact of societal pressures.

1. Contingent: Subject to chance or unknown conditions; uncertain.

• Example: Individual strategies for coping with stress are often contingent upon societal support systems.

1. Corroborate: Confirm or give support to (a statement, theory, or finding).

• Example: Empirical evidence from the National Institute of Mental Health corroborates the view that societal pressures contribute to mental health issues.

1. Relentless: (Of a person or their efforts) showing or involving extreme or continual intensity, action, or determination.

• Example: The relentless pursuit of success can lead to chronic stress and anxiety.

1. Ubiquitous: Present, appearing, or found everywhere.

• Example: The ubiquitous nature of external stressors contributes to mental health issues.

1. Myriad: A countless or extremely great number.

• Example: The myriad of mental health issues can be attributed to various factors.

1. Conform: Comply with rules, standards, or laws.

• Example: The pressure to conform to societal standards can lead to body image disturbances.

1. Burnout: Physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress.

• Example: The lack of work-life balance can result in chronic stress and burnout.

1. Lends credence: To give support or approval to an idea or belief.

• Example: Empirical evidence lends credence to the view that societal pressures contribute to mental health issues.

1. Dismiss outright: To reject or refuse to consider something immediately and completely.

• Example: Individual factors cannot be dismissed outright in the debate surrounding mental health issues.

1. Foster: Encourage the development of (something, especially something desirable).

• Example: The pervasive influence of social media can foster feelings of inadequacy.

1. Mitigate: Make (something bad) less severe, serious, or painful.

• Example: Personal resilience and coping mechanisms can mitigate the impact of societal pressures.

1. Sustainable: Able to be maintained at a certain rate or level.

• Example: Addressing societal issues can lead to more sustainable mental health interventions.

1. Inclusive: Including all the services or items normally expected or required.

• Example: Fostering an inclusive society can promote mental well-being for all.

1. Promote: Support or actively encourage (a cause, venture, etc.); further the progress of.

• Example: Creating a supportive environment can promote mental well-being.

Common Mistakes

1. Lack of Clear Position: Many students fail to present a clear position in their introduction, leading to a lower task response score.
2. Inadequate Development of Arguments: Some students present ideas but fail to develop them with supporting details and examples.
3. Poor Vocabulary Choice: Using vague or inappropriate vocabulary can negatively impact the lexical resource score.
4. Grammatical Errors: Frequent grammatical errors can detract from the overall quality of the response.
5. Lack of Cohesion: Poor use of cohesive devices can make the response difficult to follow, affecting the coherence and cohesion score.

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