IELTS Writing Task 2: Juvenile Justice - Band 6.5 Sample with Full Breakdown

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Prompt

Some people believe that young offenders should be treated differently from adult offenders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Model Answers

Band 6.5 Answer

Some people think that young criminals should be treated in the same way as adults, while others believe they should be treated differently. I agree with the latter view.

There are several reasons why young offenders should be treated differently from adult offenders. Firstly, young people are still developing both physically and mentally. Their brains are not fully developed, which means they may not fully understand the consequences of their actions. Secondly, young people are more likely to be influenced by their peers, and this can lead to them making poor decisions. Finally, young people have their whole lives ahead of them, and a criminal record can have a significant impact on their future prospects.

However, some people argue that young offenders should be treated the same as adults. They believe that this will send a strong message to young people about the seriousness of crime. While I understand this point of view, I believe that the potential benefits of treating young offenders differently outweigh the potential benefits of treating them the same as adults.

In conclusion, I believe that young offenders should be treated differently from adult offenders. This is because young people are still developing, they are more likely to be influenced by their peers, and a criminal record can have a significant impact on their future prospects.

Band 7.0 Answer

In my opinion, young offenders should be treated differently from adult offenders for several reasons.

Firstly, young people are still developing both physically and mentally. Their brains are not fully developed, which means they may not fully understand the consequences of their actions. This is supported by research which shows that the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision making and impulse control, is not fully developed until a person is in their mid-twenties. Therefore, it is unfair to treat young people in the same way as adults when they commit a crime.

Secondly, young people are more likely to be influenced by their peers. This is because they are still developing their own identity and are more likely to be swayed by the opinions of others. Therefore, it is important to consider the context in which a young person committed a crime when determining their punishment.

Finally, young people have their whole lives ahead of them. A criminal record can have a significant impact on their future prospects, making it more difficult for them to find a job or get into university. Therefore, it is important to consider the potential long-term consequences of a criminal record when determining the punishment for a young offender.

In conclusion, I believe that young offenders should be treated differently from adult offenders. This is because young people are still developing, they are more likely to be influenced by their peers, and a criminal record can have a significant impact on their future prospects.

Band 8.0 Answer

The issue of whether young offenders should be treated differently from adult offenders is a contentious one, with valid arguments on both sides. However, I firmly believe that young offenders should be treated differently.

Proponents of treating young offenders the same as adults argue that this will send a strong message to young people about the seriousness of crime. They also argue that it will help to protect society by ensuring that dangerous individuals are removed from the community. While I understand these points, I believe that the potential benefits of treating young offenders differently outweigh the potential benefits of treating them the same as adults.

Firstly, young people are still developing both physically and mentally. Their brains are not fully developed, which means they may not fully understand the consequences of their actions. This is supported by research which shows that the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision making and impulse control, is not fully developed until a person is in their mid-twenties. Therefore, it is unfair to treat young people in the same way as adults when they commit a crime.

Secondly, young people are more likely to be influenced by their peers. This is because they are still developing their own identity and are more likely to be swayed by the opinions of others. Therefore, it is important to consider the context in which a young person committed a crime when determining their punishment. For example, a young person who is pressured into committing a crime by their peers should be treated differently from a young person who commits a crime independently.

Finally, young people have their whole lives ahead of them. A criminal record can have a significant impact on their future prospects, making it more difficult for them to find a job or get into university. Therefore, it is important to consider the potential long-term consequences of a criminal record when determining the punishment for a young offender. For example, a young person who commits a minor crime should be given the opportunity to rehabilitate and move on with their life, rather than being saddled with a criminal record that will follow them for the rest of their life.

In conclusion, I believe that young offenders should be treated differently from adult offenders. This is because young people are still developing, they are more likely to be influenced by their peers, and a criminal record can have a significant impact on their future prospects. Therefore, it is important to consider these factors when determining the punishment for a young offender.

Scoring Breakdown

Band 6.5 Answer

• Task Response (TR): Presents a clear position but with some development. The arguments are relevant but not fully extended.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The ideas are logically organized but there is some repetition and lack of clear progression.
• Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a mix of appropriate and less precise vocabulary. Some errors in word choice and collocation.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms but with frequent grammatical errors.

Band 7.0 Answer

• Task Response (TR): Presents a clear position with some development. The arguments are relevant and extended with some supporting examples.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The ideas are logically organized with clear progression. Uses a mix of cohesive devices effectively.
• Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a range of appropriate vocabulary with some less common lexical items. Some errors in word choice and collocation.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with some errors in grammar and punctuation.

Band 8.0 Answer

• Task Response (TR): Presents a clear position with full development. The arguments are relevant, extended, and supported with specific examples.
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): The ideas are logically organized with clear progression. Uses a range of cohesive devices effectively.
• Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a range of appropriate and less common lexical items with flexibility and precision. Some errors in word choice and collocation.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with some errors in grammar and punctuation.

Vocabulary Highlights

1. Developing: growing or advancing (e.g., physically and mentally developing)
2. Prefrontal cortex: the front part of the brain responsible for complex behaviors (e.g., the prefrontal cortex is not fully developed)
3. Impulse control: the ability to resist or delay an impulse or temptation (e.g., impulse control is not fully developed)
4. Peer pressure: the influence exerted by a peer group, encouraging individuals to change their attitudes, values, or behaviors to conform to group norms (e.g., young people are more likely to be influenced by their peers)
5. Criminal record: an official document that lists a person's criminal convictions (e.g., a criminal record can have a significant impact on their future prospects)
6. Rehabilitate: to restore someone to good health or useful life (e.g., a young person should be given the opportunity to rehabilitate)
7. Contentious: causing or likely to cause disagreement or argument (e.g., the issue is contentious)
8. Proponent: a person who advocates for a cause or proposal (e.g., proponents of treating young offenders the same as adults)
9. Context: the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea, and in terms of which it can be fully understood (e.g., it is important to consider the context in which a young person committed a crime)
10. Saddled: burdened with something unwanted or disadvantageous (e.g., saddled with a criminal record)

Common Mistakes

1. Lack of Specific Examples: Many students fail to provide specific examples to support their arguments, leading to a lower score in Task Response.
2. Repetition: Repeating the same ideas or words can make the response seem less coherent and cohesive.
3. Grammatical Errors: Frequent grammatical errors can make the response difficult to understand and lower the score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
4. Lack of Vocabulary: Using a limited range of vocabulary can make the response seem less sophisticated and lower the score in Lexical Resource.
5. Poor Organization: A poorly organized response can make it difficult for the examiner to follow the arguments and lower the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

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