IELTS Writing Task 2: Early Retirement — Band 9.0 Sample with Full Breakdown

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The Prompt

Prompt: Some people believe that early retirement is beneficial for both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Model Answers

Band 6.0 Answer

Sample Answer:

Early retirement is good for people and society. People can enjoy life more when they retire early. They have more time to travel and spend with family. Society also benefits because young people can get jobs. Older workers can teach younger ones. However, early retirement can be bad. People may not have enough money. They might get bored. Society might have to pay more for pensions.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response: 5.0 - Presents a position but lacks development and supporting ideas.
• Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0 - Ideas are logically organized but lack clear progression.
• Lexical Resource: 6.0 - Uses some appropriate vocabulary but with frequent errors and limited range.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6.0 - Uses simple sentence structures with frequent errors.

Band 7.0 Answer

Sample Answer:

The notion of early retirement has sparked considerable debate regarding its advantages and disadvantages. Proponents argue that retiring early allows individuals to pursue personal interests and spend more time with loved ones. Additionally, it can create job opportunities for younger generations. However, opponents contend that early retirement may lead to financial instability and potential boredom. Furthermore, societies might face increased pension burdens.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response: 7.0 - Presents a clear position with some supporting ideas but lacks depth.
• Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0 - Ideas are logically organized with clear progression.
• Lexical Resource: 7.0 - Uses a mix of appropriate vocabulary with some errors and limited range.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures with some errors.

Band 8.0 Answer

Sample Answer:

The concept of early retirement has garnered significant attention due to its potential benefits and drawbacks. Advocates of early retirement posit that it enables individuals to explore personal passions and strengthen familial bonds. Moreover, it can facilitate job opportunities for younger individuals. Conversely, detractors argue that early retirement may result in financial precarity and potential ennui. Additionally, societies might encounter heightened pension obligations.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response: 8.0 - Presents a clear position with well-developed supporting ideas.
• Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0 - Ideas are logically organized with clear progression and effective use of cohesive devices.
• Lexical Resource: 8.0 - Uses a range of appropriate vocabulary with some sophistication and few errors.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures with few errors.

Band 9.0 Answer

Sample Answer:

The phenomenon of early retirement has become a contentious issue, with proponents and opponents presenting compelling arguments. Those in favor of early retirement contend that it allows individuals to engage in personal pursuits and fortify familial relationships. Furthermore, it can create employment opportunities for younger generations. Conversely, critics assert that early retirement may lead to financial instability and potential boredom. Additionally, societies might face increased pension burdens, potentially straining public finances.

Scoring Breakdown:

• Task Response: 9.0 - Presents a clear position with fully developed supporting ideas and examples.
• Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0 - Ideas are logically organized with clear progression and effective use of cohesive devices.
• Lexical Resource: 9.0 - Uses a wide range of sophisticated vocabulary with precision and few errors.
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 9.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures with minimal errors.

Vocabulary Highlights

1. Phenomenon: An interesting or notable fact or event.

• Example: The phenomenon of early retirement has gained significant attention.

1. Contentious: Causing or likely to cause disagreement or argument.

• Example: The issue of early retirement is highly contentious.

1. Fortify: To strengthen or secure.

• Example: Early retirement can fortify familial relationships.

1. Precarity: The state of being at risk of harm or failure.

• Example: Early retirement may lead to financial precarity.

1. Ennui: A feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.

• Example: Critics argue that early retirement may result in potential ennui.

1. Strain: A situation or relationship that is difficult to manage.

• Example: Early retirement might strain public finances.

1. Proponents: A person who advocates for a cause or proposal.

• Example: Proponents of early retirement argue for its benefits.

1. Detractors: A person who disparages someone or something.

• Example: Detractors of early retirement highlight its drawbacks.

1. Compelling: Evoking interest, attention, or admiration through power and skill.

• Example: Both sides present compelling arguments.

1. Pursuits: An activity followed as an interest, hobby, or vocation.

• Example: Early retirement allows individuals to engage in personal pursuits.

1. Bonds: A close relationship or connection.

• Example: Early retirement can strengthen familial bonds.

1. Obligations: An act or course of action to which a person is morally or legally bound.

• Example: Societies might face increased pension obligations.

1. Burden: A heavy load or responsibility.

• Example: Early retirement may place a burden on public finances.

1. Strain: To subject to excessive pressure or demand.

• Example: Early retirement might strain public finances.

1. Finances: The management of money and other assets.

• Example: Early retirement may impact personal finances.

1. Instability: The quality or state of being unstable.

• Example: Early retirement may lead to financial instability.

1. Opportunities: A set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something.

• Example: Early retirement can create job opportunities.

1. Passions: Strong and barely controllable emotion.

• Example: Early retirement allows individuals to pursue their passions.

1. Relationships: The way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected.

• Example: Early retirement can strengthen familial relationships.

1. Arguments: A reason or set of reasons given with the aim of persuading others that an action or idea is right or wrong.

• Example: Both sides present compelling arguments.

Common Mistakes

1. Lack of Clear Position: Some students fail to present a clear position on the issue, leading to a lower score in Task Response.
2. Inadequate Supporting Ideas: Students often present a position but fail to support it with sufficient examples and explanations.
3. Poor Coherence and Cohesion: Some responses lack logical progression and effective use of cohesive devices, making it difficult to follow the argument.
4. Limited Vocabulary: Students may use a limited range of vocabulary, leading to a lower score in Lexical Resource.
5. Grammatical Errors: Frequent grammatical errors can detract from the overall quality of the response, affecting the score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

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