IELTS Writing Task 2: Domestic Violence - Band 7.5 Sample with Full Breakdown
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The Prompt
Paraphrased Prompt: Some people believe that domestic violence is a private matter and should be handled within the family. Others argue that it is a serious crime that should be addressed by the government. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Model Answers
Band 6.0 Answer
Score Breakdown:
- Task Response: 5.0 - Presents a position but does not extend or support it fully.
- Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0 - Information is logically organized but lacks clear progression.
- Lexical Resource: 6.0 - Uses some appropriate vocabulary but with frequent errors and limited range.
- Grammar: 6.0 - Makes frequent grammatical errors that may impede understanding.
Answer:
Domestic violence is a big problem in many countries. Some people think it is a private matter and should be handled within the family. They say that the government should not interfere. I agree with this because families should solve their own problems.
On the other hand, others think domestic violence is a serious crime. They say the government should punish people who do this. I think this is also important because it can protect victims.
In conclusion, I think both views have some truth. Families should try to solve problems themselves, but the government should also punish bad behavior.
Band 7.5 Answer
Score Breakdown:
- Task Response: 7.0 - Presents a clear position with relevant, extended, and supported ideas.
- Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5 - Uses cohesive devices effectively, with clear progression.
- Lexical Resource: 7.5 - Uses a mix of appropriate vocabulary with some less common lexical items.
- Grammar: 7.5 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with generally accurate grammar.
Answer:
Domestic violence is a pervasive issue that affects countless individuals worldwide. While some argue that it is a private matter best resolved within the family unit, others contend that it is a serious crime requiring government intervention. I firmly believe that the latter perspective is more valid.
Those who advocate for privacy often cite cultural norms and the importance of family autonomy. They argue that external interference could exacerbate tensions and disrupt family dynamics. However, this perspective overlooks the severe physical and psychological harm inflicted on victims. Moreover, it perpetuates a cycle of abuse that can span generations.
Conversely, viewing domestic violence as a criminal offense empowers law enforcement to protect victims and hold perpetrators accountable. Legislation can deter potential abusers and provide victims with the support they need to escape dangerous situations. For instance, countries with robust legal frameworks against domestic violence have seen a significant reduction in incidents.
In conclusion, domestic violence is not a private matter but a serious crime that demands government intervention. By enacting and enforcing strict laws, societies can protect vulnerable individuals and foster safer communities.
Band 8.0 Answer
Score Breakdown:
- Task Response: 8.0 - Presents a clear position with fully extended and supported ideas.
- Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0 - Uses cohesive devices effectively, with clear progression and logical sequencing.
- Lexical Resource: 8.0 - Uses a wide range of vocabulary with less common lexical items and some sophistication.
- Grammar: 8.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with generally accurate grammar and punctuation.
Answer:
Domestic violence, a scourge that transcends cultural and socio-economic boundaries, has long been a contentious issue. While some advocate for its privatization, arguing that it is a family matter, I contend that it is a grave crime necessitating stringent government intervention.
Proponents of privatization often invoke the sanctity of family privacy and the potential for state intervention to exacerbate conflicts. They posit that families should be empowered to resolve their issues internally. However, this perspective is flawed. Domestic violence is not a mere disagreement but a blatant violation of human rights. It inflicts profound physical and psychological trauma on victims, often with lifelong consequences.
Conversely, recognizing domestic violence as a criminal offense enables the state to intervene effectively. Legislation can deter potential abusers, provide victims with legal recourse, and offer support services. For example, countries like Sweden and Canada have made significant strides in combating domestic violence through comprehensive legal frameworks and support systems.
In conclusion, domestic violence is a serious crime that demands government intervention. By enacting and enforcing robust laws, societies can protect victims, hold perpetrators accountable, and foster safer communities. The privatization of domestic violence is not only regressive but also perilous, as it perpetuates a cycle of abuse and suffering.
Vocabulary Highlights
- Pervasive (adj.): Widespread; prevalent. Example: Poverty is a pervasive issue in many developing countries.
- Exacerbate (v.): To make a problem worse. Example: The economic crisis exacerbated the social tensions in the region.
- Perpetuate (v.): To make something continue indefinitely. Example: The lack of education perpetuates the cycle of poverty.
- Scourge (n.): A person or thing that causes great trouble or suffering. Example: Corruption is a scourge that plagues many governments.
- Sanctity (n.): The quality or state of being holy or sacred. Example: The sanctity of marriage is highly valued in many cultures.
- Blatant (adj.): Done openly and unashamedly. Example: The blatant disregard for the law was shocking.
- Trauma (n.): A deeply distressing or disturbing experience. Example: The accident left him with deep psychological trauma.
- Deter (v.): To discourage someone from doing something by making it seem unattractive or difficult. Example: Stricter penalties can deter potential criminals.
- Recourse (n.): A person or thing that can be turned to for help or advice; a source of aid. Example: The victims had no legal recourse against their oppressors.
- Comprehensive (adj.): Including all or nearly all elements or aspects of something. Example: The comprehensive plan addressed all aspects of the problem.
- Framework (n.): A basic structure underlying a system, concept, or text. Example: The new framework aims to improve the efficiency of the system.
- Robust (adj.): Strong and healthy; vigorous. Example: The robust economy attracted many investors.
- Regressive (adj.): Returning to a former or less developed state; characterized by regression. Example: The regressive policies hindered the country's progress.
- Perilous (adj.): Full of danger or risk. Example: The perilous journey required great courage and determination.
- Sanctions (n.): A threatened penalty for disobeying a law or rule. Example: The government imposed sanctions on the violators.
- Legislation (n.): Laws, considered collectively, as made by a governing body. Example: The new legislation aims to protect the environment.
- Empower (v.): To give someone the authority or power to do something. Example: The law empowers the citizens to challenge unjust decisions.
- Enact (v.): To make (a bill or other proposal) law. Example: The parliament enacted new laws to combat corruption.
- Violation (n.): The action of breaking or failing to comply with a law, agreement, or principle. Example: The violation of human rights was widely condemned.
- Autonomy (n.): The right or condition of self-government. Example: The region was granted autonomy to manage its own affairs.
Common Mistakes Students Make
- Overgeneralizing: Students often make sweeping statements without providing specific examples or evidence. For instance, saying "domestic violence is bad" without explaining why or how it affects society.
- Lack of Coherence: Some responses jump from one idea to another without clear transitions or logical progression. This makes the essay difficult to follow.
- Inadequate Vocabulary: Using simple or repetitive vocabulary can limit the range and depth of the response. Students should aim to use a variety of words and phrases to express their ideas.
- Grammatical Errors: Frequent grammatical mistakes can distract the reader and make the response harder to understand. Common errors include subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage.
- Ignoring the Task: Some students may focus too much on one aspect of the prompt and neglect the other. For example, discussing only the private matter perspective without addressing the government intervention aspect.
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