IELTS Writing Task 2: Domestic Violence – Band 6.5 Sample with Full Breakdown
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Full Prompt (IELTS Writing Task 2 Style)
Some people argue that domestic violence is a result of cultural factors and should be addressed through education. Others believe it is a criminal issue and should be handled by law enforcement. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Band 6.5 Model Answer
Violence in the home is a serious problem that affects many families around the world. Some people think this issue is caused by cultural beliefs and should be solved through education, while others argue that it is a crime and the police should deal with it.
Firstly, those who believe domestic violence is a cultural issue point to traditions that allow or even encourage men to control women. In some societies, women are expected to obey their husbands without question. Changing these attitudes requires education, especially for young people, to teach them about equality and respect. Schools and community programs can play a role in promoting these values. For example, in countries like Sweden, education campaigns have helped reduce domestic violence by changing people’s minds about gender roles.
On the other hand, many argue that domestic violence is a crime and should be punished by law. When someone is physically or emotionally abused, the police should intervene to protect the victim. Laws can also act as a deterrent, making people think twice before committing violent acts. For instance, in countries with strict domestic violence laws, such as Canada, reports of abuse have decreased because offenders know they will face serious consequences.
In my opinion, both approaches are necessary. Education can prevent violence by changing attitudes, but laws are essential to punish those who commit crimes. Governments should invest in both education and law enforcement to tackle this problem effectively.
Scoring Breakdown (Band 6.5)
- Task Response (TR): Presents a clear position with some development. Responds to the task with a relevant position, but some points are not fully extended or supported.
- Coherence & Cohesion (CC): Logical organization with some use of cohesive devices, but there are occasional lapses in clarity.
- Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a mix of appropriate and less precise vocabulary. Some attempts at less common vocabulary, but errors in word choice and collocation are present.
- Grammatical Range & Accuracy (GRA): Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. Some errors in tense and agreement, but meaning is usually clear.
Band 6.0 Model Answer
Domestic violence is a big problem in many countries. Some think it is because of culture, and others think it is a crime.
People who say culture is the cause believe that men and women have different roles in some societies. Men think they can hit women, and women think they must accept it. Education can help change these ideas. If people learn about equality, they will not accept violence. For example, in my country, schools teach students about respect, and this helps reduce violence.
But others say domestic violence is a crime. The police should stop it and punish the people who do it. Laws can make people afraid to hurt others. In some countries, if a man hits his wife, he goes to jail. This is good because it stops violence.
I think both education and laws are important. We need to teach people about respect, but we also need laws to punish criminals.
Scoring Breakdown (Band 6.0)
- Task Response (TR): Presents a clear position but with limited development. The response is relevant but lacks depth in arguments.
- Coherence & Cohesion (CC): Ideas are presented in a logical order, but cohesion is sometimes unclear due to simple linking words.
- Lexical Resource (LR): Uses limited vocabulary with some repetition and inaccuracy. Collocations are often incorrect.
- Grammatical Range & Accuracy (GRA): Mostly simple sentence structures with frequent errors in grammar and tense.
Band 7.0 Model Answer
Domestic violence is a pervasive issue that affects individuals and families across the globe. While some attribute this problem to cultural factors and advocate for education as a solution, others view it as a criminal offense that warrants legal intervention.
Proponents of the cultural perspective argue that deep-rooted gender stereotypes and traditional values perpetuate domestic violence. In certain cultures, women are socialized to accept abuse as a normal part of family life. Education, therefore, is key to dismantling these harmful norms. By promoting gender equality and respect in schools and through public awareness campaigns, societies can foster healthier relationships. For example, countries like Norway have successfully reduced domestic violence rates through comprehensive educational initiatives aimed at changing societal attitudes.
Conversely, those who view domestic violence as a criminal issue emphasize the need for stricter legal measures. Without consequences, abusers may continue their behavior unchecked. Stronger laws and enforcement can act as a deterrent, ensuring that perpetrators are held accountable. In nations such as Australia, the implementation of tougher domestic violence laws has led to a notable decline in reported cases, demonstrating the effectiveness of legal intervention.
In my view, a combination of education and law enforcement is the most effective approach. Education can prevent violence by reshaping cultural attitudes, while laws provide necessary protection for victims. Governments must prioritize both strategies to address this complex issue comprehensively.
Scoring Breakdown (Band 7.0)
- Task Response (TR): Presents a clear position with fully developed arguments. Responds to the task with a relevant position and extends ideas logically.
- Coherence & Cohesion (CC): Logical organization with effective use of cohesive devices. Ideas are well-connected and easy to follow.
- Lexical Resource (LR): Uses a mix of appropriate and less common vocabulary. Some errors in word choice, but overall vocabulary is varied and precise.
- Grammatical Range & Accuracy (GRA): Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. Some errors in grammar, but meaning is usually clear.
Vocabulary Highlights
- Pervasive (adj): Widespread or common. Example: Domestic violence is a pervasive issue in many societies.
- Perpetuate (v): To make something continue. Example: Traditional values perpetuate domestic violence.
- Dismantle (v): To take apart or destroy. Example: Education can dismantle harmful norms.
- Socialized (v): To adapt to social norms. Example: Women are socialized to accept abuse.
- Comprehensive (adj): Complete or thorough. Example: Norway uses comprehensive educational initiatives.
- Deterrent (n): Something that makes people cautious. Example: Stronger laws act as a deterrent.
- Enforcement (n): The act of making laws obeyed. Example: Legal enforcement reduces domestic violence.
- Comprehensively (adv): Thoroughly or completely. Example: Governments must address the issue comprehensively.
- Strikingly (adv): In a noticeable or dramatic way. Example: The laws had a strikingly positive effect.
- Advocate (v): To support or recommend. Example: Some advocate for education as a solution.
- Warrant (v): To justify or require. Example: This issue warrants legal intervention.
- Socialized (v): To adapt to social norms. Example: Women are socialized to accept abuse.
- Perpetuate (v): To make something continue. Example: Traditional values perpetuate domestic violence.
- Comprehensive (adj): Complete or thorough. Example: Norway uses comprehensive educational initiatives.
- Deterrent (n): Something that makes people cautious. Example: Stronger laws act as a deterrent.
- Enforcement (n): The act of making laws obeyed. Example: Legal enforcement reduces domestic violence.
- Comprehensively (adv): Thoroughly or completely. Example: Governments must address the issue comprehensively.
- Strikingly (adv): In a noticeable or dramatic way. Example: The laws had a strikingly positive effect.
- Advocate (v): To support or recommend. Example: Some advocate for education as a solution.
- Warrant (v): To justify or require. Example: This issue warrants legal intervention.
Common Mistakes Students Make on This Prompt
- Unclear Position: Failing to state a clear opinion in the introduction or conclusion.
- Vague Examples: Using general examples instead of specific, real-world cases.
- Repetition: Repeating the same ideas without adding new information.
- Grammar Errors: Common mistakes in tense, agreement, and sentence structure.
- Weak Vocabulary: Using basic or incorrect vocabulary instead of varied and precise words.
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