IELTS Writing Task 2: Cyberbullying (Two Part Question) — Band 6/7/8/9 Model Answers
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By Alfie Lim, TESOL-certified English educator and founder of English AIdol
The Prompt
Some people believe that cyberbullying is more harmful than traditional bullying. Others think that traditional bullying has a greater negative impact. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Model Answers
Band 6.0 Answer
Introduction
Cyberbullying and traditional bullying are both serious problems. Some people think cyberbullying is worse because it happens online. Others believe traditional bullying is worse because it happens in person. I will discuss both views.
Body Paragraph 1
People who think cyberbullying is worse say it can happen anytime. For example, someone can send a mean message at any time of the day. Also, cyberbullying can reach many people quickly. A post on social media can be shared with many people in seconds. This can make the victim feel very bad.
Body Paragraph 2
Other people think traditional bullying is worse. They say it can cause physical harm. For example, a bully might hit someone or take their belongings. Also, traditional bullying can happen in places where adults are present, like schools. This means it can be harder to escape.
Conclusion
In my opinion, cyberbullying is worse. It can happen anytime and reach many people. This can make the victim feel very bad. Traditional bullying is also bad, but cyberbullying is worse.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR): 5.0 - Addresses both views but with limited development.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 6.0 - Uses basic cohesive devices but with some irrelevant details.
- Lexical Resource (LR): 6.0 - Uses some less common vocabulary but with some repetition and errors.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 6.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms but with frequent errors.
Band 7.0 Answer
Introduction
The issue of bullying has become a significant concern in today's society, with cyberbullying and traditional bullying being two prevalent forms. While some argue that cyberbullying has a more detrimental impact due to its far-reaching nature, others contend that traditional bullying is more harmful because of its immediate and physical consequences. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my viewpoint.
Body Paragraph 1
Proponents of the view that cyberbullying is more harmful argue that it can occur at any time and place, making it difficult for victims to escape. For instance, a victim can receive hurtful messages or comments on social media platforms even when they are at home. Moreover, cyberbullying can spread rapidly, reaching a wide audience in a short period. This can lead to severe emotional distress and even mental health issues for the victim. Additionally, the anonymity of the internet can embolden bullies to act more cruelly than they would in person.
Body Paragraph 2
Conversely, those who believe traditional bullying is more harmful point out that it can result in physical harm. For example, a bully might physically assault a victim or damage their property. Furthermore, traditional bullying often occurs in settings where adults are present, such as schools, which can make it more difficult for victims to avoid. The immediate and visible nature of traditional bullying can also lead to severe consequences, including injuries and psychological trauma. Additionally, traditional bullying can have a negative impact on a victim's social life, as it can affect their relationships with peers.
Conclusion
In my opinion, cyberbullying is more harmful than traditional bullying. While both forms of bullying can have severe consequences, the far-reaching nature of cyberbullying and the difficulty of escaping it make it a more significant threat. The emotional distress caused by cyberbullying can be long-lasting and have a profound impact on a victim's mental health. Therefore, it is crucial to address this issue and implement measures to prevent and combat cyberbullying.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR): 7.0 - Presents a clear position and extends and supports ideas but with some support limited to less obvious points.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 7.0 - Uses cohesive devices effectively but with some inconsistencies in style.
- Lexical Resource (LR): 7.0 - Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary but with some less precise vocabulary and occasional errors.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 7.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms but with some errors in grammar and punctuation.
Band 8.0 Answer
Introduction
The pervasive issue of bullying has evolved with the advent of technology, giving rise to cyberbullying as a distinct form of harassment. While some contend that cyberbullying inflicts more severe damage due to its pervasive and insidious nature, others maintain that traditional bullying is more detrimental because of its tangible and immediate consequences. This essay will delve into both viewpoints before presenting a personal stance.
Body Paragraph 1
Advocates of the view that cyberbullying is more harmful argue that it can infiltrate every aspect of a victim's life. Unlike traditional bullying, which is often confined to specific settings such as schools, cyberbullying can occur anywhere and at any time. For example, a victim can receive hurtful messages or comments on their personal devices, even in the sanctity of their own home. Moreover, the digital nature of cyberbullying allows it to spread rapidly, reaching a vast audience in a matter of seconds. This can lead to severe emotional distress and even mental health issues for the victim. Additionally, the anonymity of the internet can embolden bullies to act more cruelly than they would in person, as they can hide behind the veil of anonymity.
Body Paragraph 2
On the other hand, proponents of the view that traditional bullying is more harmful point out that it can result in physical harm. For instance, a bully might physically assault a victim or damage their property. Furthermore, traditional bullying often occurs in settings where adults are present, such as schools, which can make it more difficult for victims to avoid. The immediate and visible nature of traditional bullying can also lead to severe consequences, including injuries and psychological trauma. Additionally, traditional bullying can have a negative impact on a victim's social life, as it can affect their relationships with peers. The physical and emotional scars left by traditional bullying can be long-lasting and difficult to heal.
Conclusion
In my view, cyberbullying is more harmful than traditional bullying. While both forms of bullying can have severe consequences, the pervasive and insidious nature of cyberbullying makes it a more significant threat. The emotional distress caused by cyberbullying can be long-lasting and have a profound impact on a victim's mental health. Therefore, it is imperative to address this issue and implement measures to prevent and combat cyberbullying.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR): 8.0 - Presents a clear position throughout the response and extends and supports ideas with relevant examples.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 8.0 - Uses cohesive devices effectively and skillfully manages the progression of information.
- Lexical Resource (LR): 8.0 - Uses a wide range of vocabulary precisely and flexibly.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 8.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with frequent error-free sentences.
Band 9.0 Answer
Introduction
The ubiquitous nature of technology has given rise to a new form of harassment: cyberbullying. While some argue that this digital form of bullying is more detrimental due to its pervasive and insidious nature, others contend that traditional bullying is more harmful because of its tangible and immediate consequences. This essay will explore both viewpoints before presenting a nuanced perspective.
Body Paragraph 1
Proponents of the view that cyberbullying is more harmful argue that it can infiltrate every aspect of a victim's life. Unlike traditional bullying, which is often confined to specific settings such as schools, cyberbullying can occur anywhere and at any time. For example, a victim can receive hurtful messages or comments on their personal devices, even in the sanctity of their own home. Moreover, the digital nature of cyberbullying allows it to spread rapidly, reaching a vast audience in a matter of seconds. This can lead to severe emotional distress and even mental health issues for the victim. Additionally, the anonymity of the internet can embolden bullies to act more cruelly than they would in person, as they can hide behind the veil of anonymity. The persistent and pervasive nature of cyberbullying can make it difficult for victims to escape, leading to long-lasting psychological trauma.
Body Paragraph 2
Conversely, those who believe traditional bullying is more harmful point out that it can result in physical harm. For instance, a victim may suffer from physical assaults, such as punches, kicks, or the destruction of personal property. Furthermore, traditional bullying often occurs in settings where adults are present, such as schools, which can make it more difficult for victims to avoid. The immediate and visible nature of traditional bullying can also lead to severe consequences, including injuries and psychological trauma. Additionally, traditional bullying can have a negative impact on a victim's social life, as it can affect their relationships with peers. The physical and emotional scars left by traditional bullying can be long-lasting and difficult to heal. Moreover, traditional bullying can lead to a sense of helplessness and isolation, as victims may feel unable to escape their tormentors.
Conclusion
In my view, cyberbullying and traditional bullying are both harmful, but they manifest in different ways. Cyberbullying's pervasive and insidious nature can lead to severe emotional distress and long-lasting psychological trauma. Traditional bullying, on the other hand, can result in physical harm and immediate consequences. Therefore, it is crucial to address both forms of bullying and implement measures to prevent and combat them. Education, awareness, and strict penalties for bullies can help mitigate the harmful effects of both cyberbullying and traditional bullying.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR): 9.0 - Presents a clear position throughout the response and extends and supports ideas with relevant, clearly presented examples and explanations.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 9.0 - Uses cohesive devices effectively and skillfully manages the progression of information.
- Lexical Resource (LR): 9.0 - Uses a wide range of vocabulary precisely and flexibly with no errors in word choice or collocation.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 9.0 - Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with frequent error-free sentences and only occasional errors, if any.
Vocabulary Highlights
| Word/phrase | Definition | Example collocation | |---|---|---| | Pervasive | Widespread or prevalent | Pervasive issue, pervasive nature | | Insidious | Proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects | Insidious nature, insidious form | | Detrimental | Causing harm or damage | Detrimental impact, detrimental effect | | Tangible | Clear and definite; real | Tangible consequences, tangible impact | | Immediate | Happening or done without delay | Immediate consequences, immediate impact | | Inquiry | An investigation or a question | Conduct an inquiry, launch an inquiry | | Anonymity | The condition of being anonymous | Hide behind the veil of anonymity, protect one's anonymity | | Mitigate | Make less severe or serious | Mitigate the effects, mitigate the harm | | Psychological | Relating to the mind or to mental processes | Psychological trauma, psychological impact | | Harassment | Aggressive pressure or intimidation | Sexual harassment, workplace harassment | | Nuanced | Showing subtle differences and understanding | Nuanced perspective, nuanced view | | Sanctuary | A place of safety or refuge | Sanctity of one's home, find sanctuary |
Common Mistakes Students Make
- Failing to address both parts of the question: Students often focus on one aspect of the question and neglect the other. Ensure you discuss both views before presenting your opinion.
- Lack of specific examples: General statements without specific examples can weaken your argument. Use relevant examples to support your points.
- Poor organization: A disorganized essay can be difficult to follow. Use clear topic sentences and cohesive devices to structure your essay.
- Grammatical errors: Frequent grammatical errors can detract from the overall quality of your essay. Proofread your work to minimize errors.
- Limited vocabulary: Using a limited range of vocabulary can make your essay seem less sophisticated. Try to use a wide range of vocabulary precisely and flexibly.
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