IELTS Writing Task 2: Domestic Violence - Band 9.0 Sample with Full Breakdown
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The Prompt
Some people believe that domestic violence is a private matter and should not be interfered with by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Model Answers
Band 6.0 Answer
The government should not interfere in domestic violence because it is a private matter. I agree with this because people should be able to solve their own problems. If the government gets involved, it might make things worse. For example, if a couple has an argument, the government should not punish them. Also, sometimes people lie about domestic violence to get attention. In conclusion, the government should not interfere in domestic violence.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR): Presents a position but with limited development and support. The argument is simplistic and lacks depth.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Ideas are presented but with some repetition and lack of logical flow. Cohesive devices are basic and repetitive.
- Lexical Resource (LR): Limited range of vocabulary. Some errors in word choice and collocation.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Limited range of sentence structures. Frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
Band 7.0 Answer
While some argue that domestic violence is a private matter, I firmly believe that government intervention is necessary. Domestic violence is a serious crime that affects not only the individuals involved but also society as a whole. For instance, children who witness domestic violence often suffer from psychological trauma. Additionally, domestic violence can escalate to more severe forms of abuse, including homicide. Therefore, the government has a responsibility to protect its citizens by enforcing laws against domestic violence. In conclusion, government intervention is crucial in addressing domestic violence.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR): Presents a clear position with some development and support. The argument is logical but lacks depth in certain areas.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Ideas are logically organized with some use of cohesive devices. The argument flows reasonably well.
- Lexical Resource (LR): Adequate range of vocabulary. Some errors in word choice and collocation but generally appropriate.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): Adequate range of sentence structures. Some grammatical errors but generally accurate.
Band 8.0 Answer
The notion that domestic violence is a private matter and should be left to individuals to resolve is both misguided and dangerous. Domestic violence is a pervasive issue that transcends the boundaries of private life, impacting society at large. Governments have a moral and legal obligation to intervene in cases of domestic violence to protect vulnerable individuals and uphold the principles of justice and equality. For example, studies have shown that children exposed to domestic violence are more likely to experience emotional and behavioral problems, perpetuating a cycle of abuse. Furthermore, the economic costs of domestic violence, including healthcare expenses and lost productivity, place a significant burden on society. Therefore, it is imperative that governments implement and enforce stringent laws to combat domestic violence. In conclusion, government intervention is not only justified but essential in addressing this critical issue.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR): Presents a clear and well-developed position with relevant, extended, and supported arguments. The argument is logical and persuasive.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Ideas are logically organized with a clear progression. Cohesive devices are used effectively to guide the reader through the argument.
- Lexical Resource (LR): A wide range of vocabulary is used appropriately and flexibly. There are few errors in word choice and collocation.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): A wide range of sentence structures is used flexibly and accurately. There are few grammatical errors.
Band 9.0 Answer
The assertion that domestic violence is a private matter and should be left to individuals to resolve is not only flawed but also perilous. Domestic violence is a systemic issue that has far-reaching consequences for both individuals and society. Governments have a fundamental responsibility to intervene in cases of domestic violence to safeguard the rights and well-being of their citizens. Empirical evidence demonstrates that domestic violence has profound psychological and emotional impacts on victims, particularly children, who are often left traumatized and vulnerable. Moreover, the economic ramifications of domestic violence, including increased healthcare costs and reduced productivity, impose a substantial burden on society. Therefore, it is incumbent upon governments to enact and enforce robust legislation to address domestic violence comprehensively. In conclusion, government intervention is not only justified but indispensable in tackling this critical issue.
Scoring Breakdown
- Task Response (TR): Presents a clear, well-developed position with relevant, extended, and supported arguments. The argument is logical, persuasive, and sophisticated.
- Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Ideas are logically organized with a clear progression. Cohesive devices are used effectively to guide the reader through the argument. The argument flows seamlessly.
- Lexical Resource (LR): A wide range of sophisticated vocabulary is used appropriately and flexibly. There are no errors in word choice and collocation.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): A wide range of complex sentence structures is used flexibly and accurately. There are no grammatical errors.
Vocabulary Highlights
- Pervasive (adj.): Widespread and influential. Example: Domestic violence is a pervasive issue that affects society at large.
- Transcends (v.): Goes beyond the usual limits. Example: Domestic violence transcends the boundaries of private life.
- Imperative (adj.): Essential or urgent. Example: It is imperative that governments implement stringent laws.
- Enact (v.): Make (a law or laws). Example: Governments must enact robust legislation to address domestic violence.
- Comprehensive (adj.): Including or dealing with all or nearly all elements or aspects of something. Example: Governments must address domestic violence comprehensively.
- Systemic (adj.): Relating to a system, especially as opposed to a particular part. Example: Domestic violence is a systemic issue.
- Ramifications (n.): A consequence of some action or event, especially when it is unwelcome or unpleasant. Example: The economic ramifications of domestic violence are substantial.
- Traumatized (adj.): Suffering from severe distress or mental or physical injury. Example: Children exposed to domestic violence are often traumatized.
- Indispensable (adj.): Absolutely necessary. Example: Government intervention is indispensable in tackling domestic violence.
- Uphold (v.): Support or defend (a principle, law, or tradition). Example: Governments must uphold the principles of justice and equality.
- Pervasive (adj.): Spreading widely throughout an area or a group of people. Example: Domestic violence is a pervasive issue.
- Empirical (adj.): Based on observation or experience rather than theory. Example: Empirical evidence demonstrates the impacts of domestic violence.
- Enforce (v.): Cause (a law, regulation, or obligation) to be obeyed. Example: Governments must enforce stringent laws.
- Stringent (adj.): Strict, precise, and exacting. Example: Governments must implement stringent laws.
- Safeguard (v.): Protect from harm or damage. Example: Governments have a responsibility to safeguard the rights of their citizens.
- Moral (adj.): Concerned with the principles of right and wrong behavior. Example: Governments have a moral obligation to intervene.
- Legal (adj.): Relating to the law. Example: Governments have a legal obligation to intervene.
- Justice (n.): Just behavior or treatment. Example: Governments must uphold the principles of justice.
- Equality (n.): The state of being equal, especially in status, rights, and opportunities. Example: Governments must uphold the principles of equality.
- Cycle (n.): A series of events that recur in a predictable pattern. Example: Domestic violence perpetuates a cycle of abuse.
- Psychological (adj.): Relating to the mind or mental processes. Example: Domestic violence has profound psychological impacts.
- Emotional (adj.): Relating to a person's emotions. Example: Domestic violence has profound emotional impacts.
- Economic (adj.): Relating to the economy. Example: The economic ramifications of domestic violence are substantial.
- Healthcare (n.): The organized provision of medical care to individuals or a community. Example: The economic costs of domestic violence include healthcare expenses.
- Productivity (n.): The effectiveness of productive effort, especially in industry, as measured in terms of the rate of output per unit of input. Example: The economic costs of domestic violence include reduced productivity.
Common Mistakes Students Make
- Lack of Clear Position: Some students fail to present a clear position on the issue, making their argument weak and unfocused.
- Inadequate Support: Students often provide insufficient support for their arguments, leading to a lack of depth and persuasiveness.
- Poor Organization: Poor organization can make the argument difficult to follow, resulting in a lower score for coherence and cohesion.
- Limited Vocabulary: Using a limited range of vocabulary can make the argument less sophisticated and reduce the lexical resource score.
- Grammatical Errors: Frequent grammatical errors can detract from the overall quality of the response and lower the grammatical range and accuracy score.
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