IELTS Writing Task 2: Obesidade – Amostras 6/7/8/9
Modelo da Pergunta
Pergunta: Some people believe that the increasing problem of obesity is the responsibility of individuals. Others argue that it is the responsibility of governments. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Amostras e Avaliação
Banda 6.0
Texto:
In recent years, obesity has become a major issue in many countries. Some people think that individuals are responsible for their own weight, while others believe that governments should take action. I agree with both views.
On one hand, individuals should take responsibility for their own health. Eating healthy foods and exercising regularly can help prevent obesity. Fast food and sugary drinks are unhealthy, and people should avoid them. Moreover, many people have sedentary lifestyles, which contribute to weight gain. Therefore, individuals should make an effort to stay active and eat well.
On the other hand, governments should also play a role in combating obesity. For example, they can implement policies to make healthy foods more affordable and accessible. Additionally, governments can promote public awareness campaigns about the dangers of obesity. Schools can also teach children about healthy eating habits and the importance of exercise.
In conclusion, both individuals and governments have a responsibility to address the problem of obesity. By working together, they can create a healthier society.
Avaliação:
- Coerência e Coesão (CC): 5.0 – As ideias estão organizadas, mas a coesão poderia ser melhorada com conectores mais variados.
- Léxico (LR): 5.5 – O vocabulário é adequado, mas há repetição de palavras.
- Gramática (GRA): 5.5 – A gramática é principalmente correta, mas há alguns erros de concordância e estrutura de frases.
- Resposta à Pergunta (TR): 6.0 – O texto aborda ambos os lados do argumento, mas a opinião pessoal não é muito clara.
Banda 7.0
Texto:
The issue of obesity has become a global concern. While some people argue that individuals should be held accountable for their weight, others contend that governments should intervene. I believe that both parties share the responsibility.
Firstly, individuals must take responsibility for their own health. Unhealthy eating habits, such as consuming excessive amounts of fast food and sugary snacks, contribute significantly to obesity. Additionally, a lack of physical activity exacerbates the problem. People should make conscious efforts to adopt healthier lifestyles by exercising regularly and eating nutritious foods.
However, governments also have a crucial role to play. They can implement policies to regulate the food industry, such as imposing higher taxes on unhealthy foods and providing subsidies for healthier alternatives. Public awareness campaigns can educate people about the risks of obesity and promote healthy living. Schools can also incorporate health education into their curricula to instill good habits in children from a young age.
In my opinion, both individuals and governments must work together to tackle the obesity epidemic. By taking collective action, we can create a healthier and more sustainable future.
Avaliação:
- Coerência e Coesão (CC): 6.5 – As ideias estão bem organizadas e a coesão é boa, com conectores variados.
- Léxico (LR): 7.0 – O vocabulário é variado e preciso, demonstrando um bom conhecimento do tema.
- Gramática (GRA): 7.0 – A gramática é geralmente correta, com apenas alguns pequenos erros.
- Resposta à Pergunta (TR): 7.0 – O texto aborda ambos os lados do argumento de forma equilibrada e apresenta uma opinião pessoal clara.
Banda 8.0
Texto:
The escalating problem of obesity has sparked a heated debate regarding the distribution of responsibility between individuals and governments. While some advocate for personal accountability, others insist on governmental intervention. I contend that both parties must collaborate to effectively address this issue.
Proponents of individual responsibility argue that personal choices, such as diet and exercise, are the primary contributors to obesity. The consumption of high-calorie, low-nutrient foods and sedentary lifestyles are significant factors. Individuals must prioritize their health by making informed decisions about their diets and engaging in regular physical activity. Moreover, education plays a pivotal role in empowering individuals to make healthier choices.
Conversely, governments have a moral and ethical obligation to protect public health. Implementing policies that promote healthy eating and physical activity can have a profound impact. For instance, subsidies for fruits and vegetables, restrictions on advertising unhealthy foods, and the creation of public recreational spaces can encourage healthier lifestyles. Additionally, governments can fund research and public health campaigns to raise awareness about the dangers of obesity.
In conclusion, the responsibility for combating obesity should be shared between individuals and governments. By working in tandem, they can create a comprehensive strategy to tackle this pressing issue and promote a healthier society.
Avaliação:
- Coerência e Coesão (CC): 7.5 – As ideias estão bem organizadas e a coesão é excelente, com conectores variados e precisos.
- Léxico (LR): 8.0 – O vocabulário é sofisticado e preciso, demonstrando um excelente conhecimento do tema.
- Gramática (GRA): 8.0 – A gramática é quase perfeita, com apenas pequenos erros pontuais.
- Resposta à Pergunta (TR): 8.0 – O texto aborda ambos os lados do argumento de forma equilibrada e apresenta uma opinião pessoal bem fundamentada.
Banda 9.0
Texto:
The burgeoning epidemic of obesity has become a contentious issue, with divergent opinions on whether individuals or governments bear the primary responsibility. I assert that a multifaceted approach, encompassing both personal accountability and governmental intervention, is essential to mitigate this global health crisis.
Advocates of individual responsibility posit that personal lifestyle choices are the root cause of obesity. The proliferation of fast food, coupled with a sedentary lifestyle, has contributed significantly to the rise in obesity rates. Individuals must take proactive measures to adopt healthier habits, such as consuming a balanced diet and engaging in regular physical activity. Education and awareness campaigns can empower individuals to make informed choices about their health.
Conversely, governments have a crucial role to play in addressing this issue. Implementing policies that promote healthy eating and physical activity can have a profound impact. For example, imposing taxes on unhealthy foods, providing subsidies for nutritious options, and creating public spaces for recreation can encourage healthier lifestyles. Furthermore, governments can invest in public health initiatives and research to combat obesity effectively.
In my view, the responsibility for tackling obesity should be shared between individuals and governments. By collaborating and implementing comprehensive strategies, they can create a healthier and more sustainable future for all.
Avaliação:
- Coerência e Coesão (CC): 8.5 – As ideias estão excepcionalmente bem organizadas e a coesão é impecável.
- Léxico (LR): 9.0 – O vocabulário é sofisticado e preciso, demonstrando um excelente conhecimento do tema e variedade léxica.
- Gramática (GRA): 9.0 – A gramática é perfeita, com uso adequado de estruturas complexas e variadas.
- Resposta à Pergunta (TR): 9.0 – O texto aborda ambos os lados do argumento de forma equilibrada e apresenta uma opinião pessoal bem fundamentada e convincente.
Vocabulário Útil
- Obesidade: excessive body fat that increases the risk of health problems
- Responsabilidade individual: personal accountability for one's actions and health
- Intervenção governamental: government actions to address a problem
- Hábitos alimentares: eating habits
- Atividade física: physical activity
- Políticas públicas: government policies aimed at the public
- Campanhas de conscientização: awareness campaigns
- Sedentário: lacking in physical activity
- Subsídios: financial support or incentives
- Taxação: imposition of taxes
Erros Comuns
- Falta de clareza na opinião pessoal: Muitos candidatos não apresentam claramente sua opinião, o que pode prejudicar a pontuação na seção de resposta à pergunta.
- Repetição de vocabulário: Usar as mesmas palavras e frases repetidamente pode reduzir a pontuação na seção de léxico.
- Estrutura de parágrafos fraca: Parágrafos mal organizados podem afetar a coerência e coesão do texto.
- Erros gramaticais: Erros de gramática, como concordância e estrutura de frases, podem reduzir a pontuação geral.
- Falta de exemplos concretos: Exemplos específicos e relevantes ajudam a fortalecer os argumentos e demonstrar um bom conhecimento do tema.
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