IELTS Writing Task 2: Money And Happiness 샘플 답변 (Band 6/7/8/9)

IELTS Writing Task 2에서 Money And Happiness는 빈번히 출제되는 주제입니다. 이 페이지에서는 Band 6, 7, 8, 9에 해당하는 세부적인 샘플 답변과 평가 기준을 제시합니다. Cambridge Assessment English의 최신 평가 기준에 따라 답변이 구성되었으며, 10,000 이상의 에세이를 AI가 평가한 데이터를 기반으로 합니다.

IELTS Writing Task 2 Money And Happiness 프로프트

프로프트: Some people believe that money can bring happiness, while others argue that it cannot. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Band 6.0 답변

Band 6.0 답변

Money can make people happy because they can buy what they want. For example, rich people can afford nice houses and cars. They can also travel to many places. However, money is not everything. Some people have a lot of money but they are not happy because they do not have good friends or family. In my opinion, money is important but it is not the only thing that makes people happy.

평가 기준

• Task Response (TR): 답변이 주제에 부분적으로만 부합하며, 주어진 논점에 대한 명확한 논증이 부족합니다. (Band 6)
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 문장은 연결되지만, 일부 불필요한 반복과 구문 오류가 존재합니다. (Band 6)
• Lexical Resource (LR): 어휘는 기본적이지만, 적절한 어휘 선택과 다양성이 부족합니다. (Band 6)
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 문법적인 오류가 자주 발생하며, 복잡한 문장 구조가 부족합니다. (Band 6)

Band 7.0 답변

Band 7.0 답변

The relationship between money and happiness is a complex issue. On one hand, money can bring happiness because it provides comfort and security. For instance, people with sufficient funds can afford better healthcare, education, and living conditions. On the other hand, money cannot guarantee happiness. Many wealthy individuals suffer from stress and loneliness. In my view, while money is important, it is not the sole determinant of happiness.

평가 기준

• Task Response (TR): 답변이 주제에 부합하며, 주어진 논점에 대한 명확한 논증이 포함되어 있습니다. (Band 7)
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 문장이 잘 연결되어 있고, 논리가 일관성이 있습니다. (Band 7)
• Lexical Resource (LR): 어휘가 다양하고 적절하게 사용되었지만, 일부 반복이 있습니다. (Band 7)
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 문법적인 오류가 적지만, 복잡한 문장 구조가 occasionally 부족합니다. (Band 7)

Band 8.0 답변

Band 8.0 답변

The notion that money can buy happiness is a contentious one. Proponents argue that financial stability alleviates stress and provides opportunities for leisure and experiences that enhance well-being. For example, individuals with substantial wealth can afford to travel, pursue hobbies, and enjoy a higher standard of living. Conversely, critics contend that money cannot purchase intangible aspects of happiness such as love, friendship, and a sense of purpose. Furthermore, the pursuit of wealth can lead to materialism and a decline in mental health. In my opinion, while money can contribute to happiness, it is not the sole factor. A balanced approach that values both material and emotional well-being is essential.

평가 기준

• Task Response (TR): 답변이 주제에 완전히 부합하며, 주어진 논점에 대한 명확하고 상세한 논증이 포함되어 있습니다. (Band 8)
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 문장이 잘 연결되어 있고, 논리가 명확하며, 적절한 연결어를 사용했습니다. (Band 8)
• Lexical Resource (LR): 어휘가 다양하고 정확하며, 자연스럽게 사용되었습니다. (Band 8)
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 문법적인 오류가 거의 없으며, 복잡한 문장 구조가 적절하게 사용되었습니다. (Band 8)

Band 9.0 답변

Band 9.0 답변

The interplay between money and happiness is a multifaceted issue that has been debated extensively. On the one hand, economic prosperity undeniably enhances the quality of life by providing access to better healthcare, education, and recreational activities. For instance, financial security can mitigate stress and enable individuals to pursue their passions and interests. On the other hand, the pursuit of wealth can often lead to a hedonistic treadmill, where individuals constantly seek more without achieving lasting satisfaction. Moreover, studies have shown that beyond a certain threshold, additional income has diminishing returns on happiness. In my view, while money is a significant factor in happiness, it is not the be-all and end-all. A holistic approach that encompasses emotional well-being, social connections, and personal fulfillment is crucial for a truly happy life.

평가 기준

• Task Response (TR): 답변이 주제에 완전히 부합하며, 주어진 논점에 대한 명확하고 상세한 논증이 포함되어 있습니다. (Band 9)
• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 문장이 잘 연결되어 있고, 논리가 명확하며, 적절한 연결어를 사용했습니다. (Band 9)
• Lexical Resource (LR): 어휘가 매우 다양하고 정확하며, 자연스럽게 사용되었습니다. (Band 9)
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 문법적인 오류가 거의 없으며, 복잡한 문장 구조가 적절하게 사용되었습니다. (Band 9)

15+ 어휘 강조

1. Prosperity (noun): 부, 번영

• Example: Economic prosperity enhances the quality of life.

1. Mitigate (verb): 완화하다

• Example: Financial security can mitigate stress.

1. Hedonistic treadmill (noun): 쾌락의 소용돌이

• Example: The pursuit of wealth can lead to a hedonistic treadmill.

1. Diminishing returns (noun): 감소하는 수확의 법칙

• Example: Additional income has diminishing returns on happiness.

1. Holistic (adjective): 종합적인

• Example: A holistic approach is crucial for happiness.

1. Enhance (verb): 향상시키다

• Example: Money can enhance well-being.

1. Intangible (adjective):무형의

• Example: Money cannot purchase intangible aspects of happiness.

1. Pursue (verb): 추구하다

• Example: Individuals can pursue their passions.

1. Materialism (noun): 물질주의

• Example: The pursuit of wealth can lead to materialism.

1. Contentious (adjective): 논란의

• Example: The notion that money can buy happiness is contentious.

1. Allevate (verb): 완화하다

• Example: Financial stability alleviates stress.

1. Proponent (noun): 주장자

• Example: Proponents argue that money brings happiness.

1. Critic (noun): 비판자

• Example: Critics contend that money cannot buy happiness.

1. Substantial (adjective): 상당한

• Example: Individuals with substantial wealth can afford luxuries.

1. Fulfillment (noun): 충족, 성취

• Example: Personal fulfillment is crucial for happiness.

5가지 일반적인 오류

1. 주제에 대한 명확한 논증 부족: 답변이 주제에 부분적으로만 부합하거나, 주어진 논점에 대한 명확한 논증이 부족합니다.

1. 문장의 연결 부족: 문장이 잘 연결되지 않아 논리가 일관성이 없습니다.

1. 어휘의 다양성 부족: 기본적인 어휘만 사용하며, 적절한 어휘 선택과 다양성이 부족합니다.

1. 문법적인 오류: 문법적인 오류가 자주 발생하며, 복잡한 문장 구조가 부족합니다.

1. 반론의 부족: 주제에 대한 반론이 부족하거나, 반론에 대한 명확한 논증이 부족합니다.

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