IELTS Writing Task 2: Mental Health — Band 6/7/8/9 Samples

IELTS Writing Task 2 Prompt (2023년 6월 출제)

> Some people believe that addressing mental health issues should be the responsibility of the government. Others argue that it should be the duty of individuals and families. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Band 6.0 Sample Answer

Task Response (TR): 5.5 - 답변이 주제와 관련되지만, 논이의 깊이와 복잡성이 부족합니다. Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 6.0 - 문단 구조는 있지만, 연결 어구가 적절하지 않습니다. Lexical Resource (LR): 5.5 - 기본적인 어휘를 사용하지만, 정확성과 다양성이 부족합니다. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 6.0 - 문법 오류가 있지만, 이해는 가능합니다.

Some people think that the government should take care of mental health problems. Others believe it is the responsibility of individuals and families. I think both views have some truth.

On one hand, the government can help by providing services and support. For example, they can build hospitals and provide medicine. This can help many people. However, some people may not want to use these services. They may feel ashamed or think it is not necessary.

On the other hand, individuals and families can also take responsibility. They can learn about mental health and take care of themselves. For example, they can exercise and eat healthy foods. They can also talk to friends and family about their problems. This can help them feel better.

In conclusion, both the government and individuals can help with mental health problems. The government can provide services, and individuals can take care of themselves. Both are important.

Band 7.0 Sample Answer

Task Response (TR): 7.0 - 답변이 주제와 관련되고, 논이 명확합니다. Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 7.0 - 문단 구조가 명확하고, 연결 어구가 적절히 사용됩니다. Lexical Resource (LR): 7.0 - 어휘가 다양하고 정확하지만, 때로는 부적절한 표현이 있습니다. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 7.0 - 문법 오류가 있지만, 대체로 정확합니다.

The issue of who should be responsible for addressing mental health issues has been widely debated. Some people argue that the government should take the lead, while others believe it is the duty of individuals and families.

Those who support the government's responsibility often cite the need for public services. For instance, the government can fund mental health programs and provide access to professional help. This is particularly important for those who cannot afford private treatment. Moreover, governments can raise awareness through campaigns, reducing the stigma associated with mental health issues. However, critics argue that relying solely on the government can lead to a lack of personal responsibility.

On the other hand, advocates for individual responsibility emphasize the importance of self-care. Taking care of one's mental health through exercise, a balanced diet, and stress management techniques can prevent many issues. Additionally, families can provide emotional support and encouragement. This approach fosters a sense of personal accountability and empowerment. Nonetheless, some people may not have the resources or knowledge to manage their mental health effectively.

In my opinion, both the government and individuals should share the responsibility. The government should provide the necessary resources and support, while individuals should take proactive steps to maintain their mental well-being. A collaborative approach would be most effective in addressing this complex issue.

Band 8.0 Sample Answer

Task Response (TR): 8.0 - 답변이 주제와 관련되고, 논이 명확하고 복잡합니다. Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 8.0 - 문단 구조가 명확하고, 연결 어구가 적절히 사용됩니다. Lexical Resource (LR): 8.0 - 어휘가 다양하고 정확하며, 자연스럽게 사용됩니다. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 8.0 - 문법 오류가 있지만, 대체로 정확하고 다양합니다.

The question of who should bear the responsibility for addressing mental health issues is a contentious one. While some contend that the onus lies with the government, others assert that it is the prerogative of individuals and families. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting a personal stance.

Proponents of government intervention argue that mental health is a public health issue. Governments have the resources and infrastructure to implement widespread initiatives. For example, they can establish mental health clinics, train professionals, and launch awareness campaigns. These measures can reach a broader audience, including those who might otherwise go untreated. Furthermore, governments can regulate workplaces and educational institutions to ensure they provide supportive environments. However, critics point out that over-reliance on the government can lead to a lack of personal accountability.

Conversely, advocates for individual responsibility highlight the importance of self-care. Mental health is deeply personal, and individuals are best placed to understand their own needs. Engaging in regular exercise, maintaining a healthy diet, and practicing mindfulness can significantly improve mental well-being. Families can also play a crucial role by providing emotional support and encouragement. This approach fosters a sense of empowerment and personal growth. Nevertheless, some individuals may lack the knowledge or resources to manage their mental health effectively.

In conclusion, both the government and individuals have a role to play in addressing mental health issues. The government should provide the necessary resources and support, while individuals should take proactive steps to maintain their mental well-being. A collaborative approach would be most effective in addressing this complex issue.

Band 9.0 Sample Answer

Task Response (TR): 9.0 - 답변이 주제와 관련되고, 논이 명확하고 복잡하며, 균형 잡혀 있습니다. Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 9.0 - 문단 구조가 명확하고, 연결 어구가 자연스럽게 사용됩니다. Lexical Resource (LR): 9.0 - 어휘가 다양하고 정확하며, 자연스럽게 사용됩니다. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 9.0 - 문법이 정확하고 다양하며, 오류가 거의 없습니다.

The debate surrounding the responsibility for addressing mental health issues is multifaceted. While some argue that the government should assume primary responsibility, others contend that it is the duty of individuals and families. This essay will delve into both perspectives before presenting a nuanced stance.

Those who advocate for government intervention posit that mental health is a societal issue. Governments have the capacity to implement large-scale initiatives that can reach a diverse population. For instance, they can establish comprehensive mental health services, fund research, and launch public awareness campaigns. These measures can reduce the stigma associated with mental health issues and ensure that everyone has access to the care they need. Moreover, governments can enact policies that promote mental well-being, such as regulating work hours and providing mental health days. However, critics argue that excessive reliance on the government can lead to a lack of personal responsibility and initiative.

Conversely, proponents of individual responsibility emphasize the importance of self-care and personal agency. Mental health is deeply personal, and individuals are best placed to understand their own needs and preferences. Engaging in regular exercise, maintaining a healthy diet, and practicing stress management techniques can significantly improve mental well-being. Families can also play a supportive role by providing emotional support and encouragement. This approach fosters a sense of empowerment and personal growth. Nevertheless, some individuals may lack the knowledge or resources to manage their mental health effectively, highlighting the need for government support.

In conclusion, the responsibility for addressing mental health issues should be shared between the government and individuals. The government should provide the necessary resources and support, while individuals should take proactive steps to maintain their mental well-being. A collaborative approach would be most effective in addressing this complex issue. By working together, we can create a society that prioritizes mental health and well-being for all.

Vocabulary Highlights

1. Addressing (n): 해결하다, 대처하다

• Example: Addressing mental health issues requires a comprehensive approach.

1. Responsibility (n): 책임, 의무

• Example: The government has a responsibility to provide healthcare services.

1. Intervention (n): 개입,干預

• Example: Government intervention is necessary to address public health issues.

1. Prerogative (n): 특권, 권한

• Example: It is the prerogative of individuals to take care of their own health.

1. Infrastructure (n): 인프라, 기반 시설

• Example: The government can build infrastructure to support mental health services.

1. Regulate (v): 규제하다, 관리하다

• Example: The government can regulate workplaces to ensure they provide supportive environments.

1. Empowerment (n): 권한 부여, 능력 향상

• Example: Taking responsibility for one's mental health can lead to a sense of empowerment.

1. Stigma (n): 사회적 낙인, 편견

• Example: Reducing the stigma associated with mental health issues is crucial.

1. Proactive (adj): 적극적인, 선제적인

• Example: Individuals should take proactive steps to maintain their mental well-being.

1. Comprehensive (adj): 종합적인, 포괄적인

• Example: A comprehensive approach is needed to address mental health issues.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

1. Ignoring the Task: Some students fail to address both views and only discuss one side of the argument.
2. Lack of Examples: Answers without specific examples or evidence tend to score lower.
3. Poor Organization: A well-structured essay with clear paragraphs and connecting phrases is crucial.
4. Overgeneralization: Avoid making sweeping statements without supporting evidence.
5. Grammar and Vocabulary Errors: Common grammar mistakes and limited vocabulary can lower your score.

Conclusion

이 페이지에서 제공된 IELTS Writing Task 2: Mental Health 샘플 답변과 평가 기준을 통해 고득점을 위한 핵심 전략을 이해할 수 있습니다. 문단의 명확하고 논리적인 구조, 다양한 어휘 사용, 정확한 문법 그리고 주제와 관련되는 명확한 논리를 통해 고득점을 달성할 수 있습니다. 또한, 공동의 책임을 강조하는 균형 잡힌 접근이 효과적입니다. 자기 답변을 AI로 평가받고 싶다면, English AIdol에서 지금 바로 평가해 보세요.