IELTS Writing Task 2: Juvenile Justice – Band 6/7/8/9 Samples

프로프트

Some people think young offenders should be sent to prison. Others believe that education and training are more effective. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Band 6.0 답변

Green: I think young people who do crime should go to jail. If they go to school, they will do bad things again. Prison is better because it is scary and they will not want to do crime. Some people say education is good, but I think school is not good for bad young people.

점수 분석

Task Response (TR): 5.0 – 답변은 주제와 관련이 있지만, 논점은 제한적이며, 의견은 명확하지 않습니다. Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 5.5 – 문단은 있을지언정, 연결이 부족하며, 논리적 흐름이 약합니다. Lexical Resource (LR): 6.0 – 어휘는 기본적이지만, 정확한 표현이 부족합니다. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 6.0 – 문장은 짧고 간단한 문법만 사용하며, 오류가 많습니다.

Band 7.0 답변

Blue: In my opinion, young offenders should be given a second chance through education and training rather than being sent to prison. There are several reasons for this. First, prison can be a harsh environment that may lead to further criminal behavior. Second, education can provide young people with the skills and knowledge they need to lead a law-abiding life.

However, some people argue that prison is necessary to punish young offenders and deter others from committing crimes. While this may be true in some cases, I believe that rehabilitation is more important than punishment.

점수 분석

Task Response (TR): 7.0 – 답변은 명확한 의견을 제시하며, 양측의 논점을 균형 있게 다룹니다. Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 7.5 – 문단 구조가 명확하며, 연결 어휘와 논리적 흐름이 나은 있습니다. Lexical Resource (LR): 7.0 – 어휘는 다양하지만, 때로는 부적절한 표현이 사용됩니다. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 7.0 – 문법은 대체로 정확하지만, 간혹 오류가 있습니다.

Band 8.0 답변

Red: The issue of juvenile justice is a contentious one, with proponents of imprisonment arguing that it serves as a deterrent and a form of retribution. However, I firmly believe that education and training are more effective in reforming young offenders.

Firstly, imprisonment can have a detrimental effect on young people, exposing them to criminal influences and perpetuating a cycle of crime. Secondly, education equips young offenders with the tools they need to reintegrate into society, reducing the likelihood of reoffending.

Opponents of this view might argue that prison is necessary to protect society from dangerous individuals. However, studies have shown that rehabilitation programs are more successful in reducing recidivism rates.

점수 분석

Task Response (TR): 8.0 – 답변은 명확하고 일관된 의견을 제시하며, 양측의 논점을 상세히 다룹니다. Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 8.5 – 문단 구조가 잘 구성되었으며, 연결 어휘와 논리적 흐름이 우수합니다. Lexical Resource (LR): 8.0 – 어휘는 풍부하고 정확하며, 적절한 표현이 사용됩니다. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 8.0 – 문법은 정확하며, 다양한 문형이 사용됩니다.

Band 9.0 답변

Yellow: The debate surrounding the most effective approach to juvenile justice is multifaceted, with proponents of incarceration advocating for its deterrent and punitive value. Contrarily, I contend that education and training offer a more sustainable solution to reducing youth crime.

The carceral environment of prisons can be counterproductive, exposing young offenders to hardened criminals and exacerbating anti-social behaviors. Conversely, educational initiatives provide opportunities for skill development, fostering a sense of responsibility and civic duty.

Critics may posit that imprisonment is essential to safeguard the public from potential threats. Nevertheless, empirical evidence suggests that rehabilitation programs yield lower recidivism rates, indicating a more effective long-term strategy.

점수 분석

Task Response (TR): 9.0 – 답변은 명확하고 persuasive한 의견을 제시하며, 양측의 논점을 상세히 분석합니다. Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 9.0 – 문단 구조가 우수하며, 연결 어휘와 논리적 흐름이 완벽합니다. Lexical Resource (LR): 9.0 – 어휘는 풍부하고 정확하며, 고급 표현이 적절히 사용됩니다. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 9.0 – 문법은 정확하며, 다양한 문형이 유창하게 사용됩니다.

유용한 어휘

1. **Contentious (형) – controversial, debatable

• The issue of juvenile justice is contentious.

1. **Deterrent (명) – something that discourages behavior

• Imprisonment serves as a deterrent.

1. **Rehabilitation (명) – the process of helping someone to return to normal life

• Rehabilitation programs are more successful.

1. **Recidivism (명) – the tendency of a convicted criminal to reoffend

• Rehabilitation programs yield lower recidivism rates.

1. **Carceral (형) – relating to imprisonment

• The carceral environment of prisons can be counterproductive.

1. **Exacerbate (동) – to make a problem worse

• Exacerbating anti-social behaviors.

1. **Empirical (형) – based on observation or experiment

• Empirical evidence suggests.

1. **Sustainable (형) – able to be maintained at a certain rate or level

• Education offers a more sustainable solution.

1. **Civic (형) – relating to the duties of a citizen

• Fostering a sense of civic duty.

1. **Reintegrate (동) – to rejoin or readmit someone to a group

• Equips young offenders with the tools they need to reintegrate into society.

1. **Proponent (명) – a person who supports a particular idea or cause

• Proponents of incarceration advocating for its deterrent.

1. **Incarceration (명) – the state of being confined in prison

• Proponents of incarceration advocating for its deterrent.

1. **Retribution (명) – punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance for a wrong or criminal act

• Proponents of incarceration advocating for its deterrent and punitive value.

1. **Punitive (형) – inflicting or intended as punishment

• Proponents of incarceration advocating for its deterrent and punitive value.

1. **Counterproductive (형) – having the opposite of the desired effect

• The carceral environment of prisons can be counterproductive.

학생들이 하는 5가지 일반적인 실수

1. 단순한 문장 구조 사용: 복잡한 주제를 다루기 위해 다양한 문장 구조를 사용해야 합니다.
2. 부적절한 연결 어휘: 문단과 아이디어를 연결하기 위해 적절한 연결 어휘를 사용해야 합니다.
3. 어휘 다양성 부족: 같은 단어를 반복하지 않고, 적절한 시냅스를 사용하여 어휘를 다양화해야 합니다.
4. 문법 오류: 정확한 문법을 사용하기 위해 문장을 주의 깊게 검토해야 합니다.
5. 주제에서 벗어난 답변: 프로프트에서 요구하는 주제와 관련 absence를 유지해야 합니다.

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